Broken Hearts

I still love you and it really sucks. I don’t want to love you because you are a self-centered, lying narcissist. You hurt me so badly. But, see, I can’t remember the bad part clearly. I only remember the good. I have to force myself to remember that you moved on with her immediately after me, if not before. I have to remember you screaming at me right before it ended and saying you disliked everything about me. Only, I remember the times that you held me in your arms and made me feel safe. The way that we texted all day long and our cute little nicknames. I remember going to so many events with you and feeling like you were my best friend. I feel like you are my soulmate. But I have to remember that you haven’t said a word to me since the day I hung up the phone. Not one single word....
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It sucks how I feel this way for you. I tried to keep a distance from you but wtf you keep on moving closer to me! I know you didn’t feel the same way but hey please step back a little. Please don’t make me fall for you more each day. I knew you are a mess but hey it seems that I am loving this crap. Your sight can make my day ok. If I need a shock absorber you are there. Trying to make me feel ok. Shitty this feeling. This can’t be happening. How can I let go of the one who understands my flaws. How?
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Hello my ex. I'd really like to get answers from you but you will not respond. I'd like to know how it was that you could tell me you loved me every single day, while having a relationship with her? First she appeared on your Instagram, how lovely. I asked you time and time again if there was anyone else and you, of course, said no. You kept saying how much of a man you were and that you had the strength to not cheat. The strength?? I'm sorry, I didn't know it was such a sacrifice for you. You did want someone to party with you and someone to have no thoughts of their own. It seems you found it with her. Now to her... To her I would ask if she has ever loved a guy so much that it hurt? That her every waking moment made her feel like that hole in her soul was closing, that she was...
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There is something even I don't understand about self harm. People tell me it's stupid, and I know. They tell me it's wrong and I agree with them. It's something you shouldn't do. Some look at both vertical and horizontal lines on my wrists and call me attention whore. Here's the thing I don't need attention. I need help. Or something to occupy my mind just so I wouldn't have to deal with the heavy free fall that is my heart. My heart is a phenomenon. It feels like an event. A stargazing museum with no stars and no light to stare at. I feel like falling I'm on the edge of a cliff even though I am seated comfortably here in my room. There are times that I punch myself. Hard. Just to distract myself from the horrid thing that is my own mind. I like to think that with every degrading...
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Dear Almost, I am writing this letter to help gain a sense of peace, closure, and the strength to continue moving forward. I didn’t see you coming. Having only known the feeling of toxic love, I did not have many expectations for dating anymore and was quite content being single and on my own. You came out of no where and before I knew it, I was hooked and the love I felt for you hit me like a ton of bricks. From the moment I first laid eyes on you when we met over coffee that day, I knew you were going to be a huge part of my life. The ways in which we were connected were anything but a coincidence. If you ask me, it was fate. Our moms grew up together, I’ve known your step family for years, your dad lived directly across the street from me in the past, and yet we never crossed...
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I am angry at you because, I have forgiven you again, like every other time. Without a single word spoken between us I have forgiven you and allowed myself to feel the blame of your anger, sadness, stress, and every emotion I never wanted you to feel. I am angry because I still miss you when I hear a song on the radio, or smell a scent of cologne. When I miss you it’s like all of the rare good times outweigh the all of the bad times. I still wish for a second I was in that two-bedroom house with you, cooking your supper, cleaning up after your messes, and feeling warm when you would say “I love you”. But then I want to hate you, so much, because I know you didn’t love me. Or at least you didn’t love me as I loved you. Because to me, you were more than just an object that I could use for...
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You make me cry. It's that simple. Even as I write this, I feel that burning at the corners of my eyes. I lock the door in fear someone will walk in, see me about to cry. I don't know if it will be a sob, weep, or one of those quiet, long cries. But I know I'll cry. What else am I supposed to do? How do you want me to respond to you? I am terrible at words, feelings, empathy. You know this. You don't know the depth of my emotions, though. You broke your own heart and mine in one blow. Impressive, if we weren't the ones getting hurt. If you weren't the one with a rope around your neck, and I wasn't the one losing a heart, it'd almost be a story for the ages. A tragedy. But for me, for you, it is us. It is our lives.
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Hey, To be honest, i really don't know why i am writing this, and i also have no idea how to begin this. I know you because you are the brother of my (female) best friend. You were in Australia for a year while i got to know your sister better and better. I didn't really realised who you are because i may saw you a few times until then. When you came back, you get into my class in school, and i remember the first time we had math class together, you were sitting in front of me and that was when i first really noticed you. My first thoughts on you were something like, wow, he actually looks very good. The next summer my best friend Allie invited me to go on vacation with her and her family. I agreed, not knowing that this will be the time were I get to know you better. I am really...
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I watched you. Pinned at the throat. The man is yelling at your face, and you standing there, unbothered. A mere few seconds before, I had unknowingly walked a few steps back to grab something I left on the table. Then right after... BAM! You were slammed onto the concrete post. My friends shifted their glance to you and me, wondering if I was going to react. The man let go of you for a few seconds, and then he slammed you against a wall this time. This time, anger surged through me. You looked at me and I stood there, able to do nothing. But I wasn't the only one just standing, all your friends were just watching! What kind of friends are those? I waited there until everything was sorted out, but many of your friends had walked away. As the week progressed, my friends...
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Your broken pieces don't define you. You will encounter people in your life who will not understand your pain, and you will lead yourself to believe that this broken self is who you are. But how can everyone have the same level of understanding when we have all had different life experiences? Our experiences shape our perception. How we see things. How we feel towards things. So how can we understand something we have never experienced? We are also all different. Some of us can breeze through a certain situation where others will struggle. If you asked the dolphin what it's like to swim in the ocean, he'll tell you it's exhilarating. Speeding through the water then launching yourself through the air
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