PART A - ND's OPEN LETTER to MC Members
June, 2022
Dear MC Members,
Peace be with you.
Firstly, I would like to apologize to have to bother any of you with this. Secondly, I would like to ask for your help. Since July, 2021, I have put in 7 effortful attempts in trying to get my membership released from Maranatha and have been stonewalled by a couple of pastors regarding this at every turn. The reason I stood up to addressed the church people (as a last resort) at the 4/3/22 service is because I am left with no other option to get my request, or my side of the situation, heard in this church. And now I am исключена? For those who are willing to hear me out and help me, I will describe to you the circumstances around this all. All names are initialed to avoid doxxing...
Broken Hearts
Baby,
Two days ago, we just decided to end things between us. I have been thinking about this for a while, because I feel like you are not into this as I am. And today, I was proved right. When I asked you if we should keep going or not, you immediately wanted to end it, coldly and without hesitation. I kind of expected it honestly because you have been so distant emotionally. I figured that you didn't want me as much as I want you. I wanted to know details about you and your life but you're not telling me anything anymore. And I don't want to force it from you. What we had was so good in the beginning and I really thought it would last for a while. But all throughout the relationship, it was just a cycle of ignoring, fighting, and getting back together again which is not good at all...
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Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you
If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land
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Dear ex,
I am currently seeking professional help to process and hopefully overcome all I went through with you.
I have come to the painful realisation that you were in fact abusive. Even now seeing it written down, I struggle to completely accept it. I still make excuses for it, for you. I still try and explain why you did what you did and that it’s not your fault because you have been through things and you need help too.
I tried to tell you before, that what you were doing constitutes as abuse, but you always dismissed it and said I was being dramatic, so I started to believe you. You told me I was being ridiculous and I was 6ft tall, so how could someone who was 5ft be abusing me. It made me feel pathetic and I thought no one would ever believe me or if they did, they wouldn’t...
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We were once the closest of friends. We hung out together daily after school for lunch, texted and chatted about everything under the sky. We were inseparable, and school was made fun only because of you. The once jovial you, however, changed soon after I introduced you to him. Naive as I was, I never expected for two of my best friends to vibe so well and to grow even closer than what both of you were to me at first. Alas, after knowing him you experienced bouts of anxiety and depression, confiding me about your suicidal thoughts occasionally. I tried to break down your wall, to help you overcome the stress and worry that you were facing at that point in time. Despite my persistent attempts, you refused to see a counsellor. Refused to confide in your parents or in your teachers. Refused...
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"Lost"
they say that hell is crowded, yet,
when you’re in hell,
you always seem to be alone....
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for my part in the hurt y'all feel, babies, i am truly sorry. i am so sorry for the pain i caused. i didn't leave y'all or at least that was never my intention. i only meant to leave y'all father. i only ever meant to be happy. i absolutely loved being a mom. it's the only thing that i miss. i only craved happiness...
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We all have childhood sweethearts. We all have first loves and great loves. Mine just happened to be the three of them combined.
To Chester, this is for you.
We were something that was never meant to happen. Because if we were meant to be, it wouldn't have ended that way. But time with you is time worth spending or wasting. No one understands me the way you do. No one sees me the way you do. No one can fill my gaps the way you do. No one would ask me what book I read after disappearing for 5 hours. No one would sing with me during calls. No one would be my selfie dump. No one would be the Chester that I need in my life.
People know that I was so gone for you. Even after 2 years of being separated, you're still the only one I'm willing to live for. You, Chester, bewitched...
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oh. wait. is that the stench of guilt i'm smelling? must be. but no. no, i didn't go through your phone. i will ever only make that mistake one time. so pay attention to what i'm telling you. and please know this to be very true. understand this to be facts. you ready? for the remainder of my life ... I WILL NEVER AGAIN GO INTO YOUR PHONE! under no circumstances. won't matter. once is enough. enough disappointment. enough heartbreak. once is enough for this fool. you know, i'm usually so damn good about keeping myself busy, but i was having an off night. boredom and too much time to think. my two worst enemies. i knew better. damnit i know better. yet i didn't do better. fuck! i just needed some goddamn reassurance. that's it. reassurance that you were all that you portrayed yourself to...
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You are my all time favorite game. I bought my first starter deck of Revised Edition in 1994, a year after the first release and I was instantly hooked. I started High School, Mtg and my first job in the same week of that year and over the next three years I spent a great deal of money I made at that job on your cards and played them on the floor in the halls of that school. A friend of mine and I taught ourselves to play from the little rule book, but a whole new world was revealed to us when we made contact with the local card shop that was running your tournaments in town. At our first tournament we were just playing every card we owned. Before a year had passed that little card shop closed and the tournaments stopped, but I wasn’t done with you. Far from it. I put up posters and...
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