Two days ago, we just decided to end things between us. I have been thinking about this for a while, because I feel like you are not into this as I am. And today, I was proved right. When I asked you if we should keep going or not, you immediately wanted to end it, coldly and without hesitation. I kind of expected it honestly because you have been so distant emotionally. I figured that you didn't want me as much as I want you. I wanted to know details about you and your life but you're not telling me anything anymore. And I don't want to force it from you. What we had was so good in the beginning and I really thought it would last for a while. But all throughout the relationship, it was just a cycle of ignoring, fighting, and getting back together again which is not good at all. I always communicate my feelings to you, but every time I do, you either feel offended or attacked when I meant good. I only wanted you update me what you were up to during the days you didn't talk to me so I don't have to worry and overthink. If you'd have done that, I would be good even if you don't talk to me for days. I wanted to fight for what we have, but I don't want to be the only one fighting. So it's best if I just let you go and keep you away from this drama.
You know, I didn't see you coming into my life. I was so ready to spend another year alone figuring myself out and not get involved in any boy. But then, in the middle of studying of my board exam, I met you in a game of wolf. I didn't think much of our first encounter really, we chatted for a bit and then you removed me from your friends list. It didn't bother me really. I was able to go on with my life without any thoughts of you. I even changed my username in the hopes of you not recognizing me when we are in the same game. But fast forward to a few weeks later, we met again. You recognized me even when I already changed my username and added me again. From there, we chatted and gotten to know a little about each other. And within a few days, it hit me. I started to like you a little too much. I wasn't prepared at all. In most situations, I'm a decently rational person. But when it comes to things like love, I'm not able to think clearly and let my heart take full control. It's crazy just thinking about it. How can you love someone when you have never even met them? Up until now I have no best answer to this. Maybe it's because you made me feel wanted and needed during my darkest days. It's how you don't know a lot about me, but you knew me. How you remember details about me, told me good morning and good night, or asked how I am doing. And when you called me babe or baby, that is music to my ears.
I loved you more than I should have even though I only know a few things about you. I love you because you are loyal, honest, and understanding. I love how you are ambitious and driven towards reaching your dreams. I love how you comforted me when I needed you and put up through my emotional outbursts. You are not hard to love honestly and there are just a few things I don't like about you (ignoring me is one of them). And most of the time, I love you for reasons I don't know why.
For a while I thought you did love me too. I thought of this because I stir up your emotions, I make you happy, sad, mad, and unsteady. You even told me you don't want me to be with anybody else in game. And I believed that. I hope you meant it. But recently, I make you mad and angry mostly. There is no spark from you anymore or any form of affection. You have grown distant and cold. I also figured out that I am not a priority in your life. I know that University comes first before anything else but prioritizing games over spending time with me hurts. Deep. I should have gotten the hint when you first told me we could be friends too. I guess I was just in denial that there is still something between us. That's what kept me from holding on. But it's all clear to me now.
You will always stay a curiosity of what could have been if this lasted long enough. I will always wonder how it feels like to feel the warmth of your skin and hold you or even be loved by you. And I know you might think I'm crazy for writing this letter to you considering that we just ended. I just have a lot of things unsaid and I don't want them bottled up in my heart. That's why I am writing it to you. And for the record, I'm keeping my promise. I won't delete you from that game and even find another one. Because you are the only one. I can never play that game without thinking about you.
The moment you read this, I have finally accepted that there will no longer be an us--not online and not in real life.
And for the last time, let me tell you that I love you. I still do. I'm hurting but I'll be fine.
With love always,