Broken Hearts

An open letter to the MAN who took MY innocents, I have spent years trying to build up enough courage to address what You put me through. The older I get the angrier I am. The more it effects me, not only me but my family. My mental health, my mothering, my ability to be vulnerable as a wife. I’m tired of keep secrets inside. I’m a mother not only to a son but of girls. I feel as if I can’t be a proper mother to my daughters because I am terrified something will happen to them the way it did me. I’ve turned into a helicopter mom for this very reason! YOU! I’m afraid to have any male figure alone with them and if they are my mind is wondering the whole time. I realized I was hiding behind who you were and who I thought you were. How I was terrified to tell because of how...
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What I would say to Katherine but won't ... You do not know my husband. You do not know the very complex person he is or the relationships he has had as a child nor as an adult. You will never know all the many thoughts that go on in his mind nor experience the extreme highs and lows that I have experienced with him.. Who you met was a man in need of attention and affection. Which you apparently gave to him tenfold... he has so many different layers that you can never understand, I still struggle with understanding him at times after 22 + years. You were a fantasy. Your relationship was a fantasy. I know this now. You gave him nothing but admiration adoration and affection. He craved this his entire life. But the truth is this is not reality. When you know someone, really know someone...
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It's finally over. You now have chosen her. Things may have changed but even though you chose to walk away and forget me like I never exist, you can never fully escape me. I will be there for you, but not in the way that I will always care nor I would reach out someday - that's not gonna happen. You may not like the idea of it, but pieces of me will still show up to you each day. In every places you will bring her - be it on the fancy lights, amusement park or nature themed places, you will see glimpses of me. With all those places, entirely, there are fond memories that we once shared. Remember when my eyes shine brighter than the lights first before hers? Eventually, my presence will come out to you in the songs we used to sing. You will hear me through the melody and...
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I wish I could tell you our break up didn't hurt that much, it did and it still does. I may not be completely healed right now but eventually I will be. I have accepted the duly fact that we are not meant to be way before our relationship ended. Although, I wish he has been honest with you about what really happened to us. How many times I have accepted him before I lost trust. How I did help him before I finally gave up. How I was the sweetest before I became toxic due to his lies and manipulation. How I was still around while you two became a thing. How I was badly hurt when he kept me trapped in his situation while you 're already there for him. How he jumped into a new relationship without settling his issues first. And I know in his story, it's me, I'm the problem, it's me!...
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My Heart, I love your perfection and flaws. I love every inch and bit of you. In fact, since the beginning of our relationship, I knew early on that you are the man I want to be with for the rest of my life. As time passes by, my love for you has been growing deeper. And whatever it takes, in sickness and in health, in richer or poorer, in happiness and sadness, with established career or just floating, with or without approval of our relatives, until we get older, until we're laid on our death bed, I will stick with you. I will always be patient, understanding, supportive, loving, caring, and sweet to you and your love ones. Despite the challenges we encountered, our years together were definitely the best for me. I felt like my life with you was perfect and I wouldn't trade it...
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It's been a year with no contact, but i still remember everything i said that night. My words won't choke me anymore. I was a fool, really. First, for believing that we would ever had anything, because now i see that i was only a thing for you to pass your time. Maybe a toy for your amusement, or maybe even less than that. You were bored in your relationship, i was available. It was the perfect match, i admit. Things seemed well when the ghost of your girlfriend didn't have a face, a name, or a social media account. Sometimes i wish i didn't ease the curiosity, that i didn't flirt first that day, that i hadn't liked you like i did. Then i found her social media account, just like you wanted, from all the clues, i finally did. Comparision does kill, i died at least hundred times since i...
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Dear Daniel, It’s been a while. I have so many things to tell you, but I can’t find it in me to call you. I’m afraid you won’t answer, or you’ll answer, tell me how you missed me and I would fail to resist. I have to remind myself that I you wanted to talk to me, you would. I am a realist now. You made me become one. I once was a nonbeliever in love. Then, I met you; you made me believe in love, made me believe that I had something you were too scared to lose. Then, you left leaving little pieces of yourself in every aspect of my life. I grieve you while you’re still living. I guess that my grief for you is a reminder that what I felt for you was real, that my grief for you is all the love I had to give you that now has no where to go. It hurt when you left. We were happy, or at least...
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Lauren This is certainly not the first letter I’d ever send to you if I found you. This would be the second letter, after having asked and received permission from you to send this one. I’ve been looking for you for a little while, to no avail. I wonder how you could not have any digital signature anywhere. It’s interesting how someone so remote in time and who probably hasn’t thought of me in decades is in my thoughts today. But I’ve been looking for lots of old friends and acquaintances lately. Someone in conversation said it was “end of days shit” and I suppose there’s a bit of truth to that. (Don’t worry, I’ve taken good care of myself and am quite healthy, though with a little less hair!) It's been what, over 30 years since we knew each other. I know, I know, it was my...
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Missing you again, What’s new there? Constantly thinking of you, With a blank stare. Why couldn’t things be different? Why did it have to end this way? Did you even love me? Were you even gay? Looking back, I don’t think so, There’s nothing more to say, Except I don’t feel like it’s done, I can’t accept it ended this way. But when it comes down to it, The words don’t want to come out, Nothing inside makes sense, Filling me with doubt. You broke my heart, But you already know that, Which is why I haven’t heard a thing, I miss you so much, Me, hands on the steering wheel, On the M1, Listening to you sing, Sometimes I think I hate you, Sometimes I hope that you’re alone, Doesn’t stop me thinking of you, I’m like a dog with a bone. I hope you hurt as much as me, I...
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Not long ago you said you’d love me forever You said in fifty years we’ll still be together “I need you”, you said Telling me in not such a long time you’d be dead But it was all a lie You were never going to die Took my heart in the palm of your hands Said you’d look after it, said you would keep it The only thing you kept was me and you kept me a secret Should’ve known then, but love is blind Thought you were the best person ever; so sweet...
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