Family

Firstly, I want to apologise for being quiet and not getting back to you - I’ve not been in a good place. I do want to explain a few things to you so that you know where my head is at. I would like to talk about the things which have caused me a lot of stress in my life and which I am unable to speak to you about (although I have tried in the past but you either put the phone down or become dismissive). I realise that some of my memories may be somewhat skewed given that I was only a child but also, I know that during my many years of counselling, I have been well understood by those who hear what I went through as a child. I really struggle with the distance between us. Yes, over the last 6 years we have been somewhat closer, but still not as close as I would like it to be. It...
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Although parenthood is one of the best things in the world, it can get quite stressful at times. This is particularly true for first-time parents. With so many new things to get the hang of, so many different - and often contradictory - pieces of information, and an endless list of "helpful" advice, becoming a first-time parent can get quite confusing. To be fair, new mums seem to have it the roughest during the first few years of mum life. Getting ready for feeding time, trying to fall asleep when your baby sleeps, being constantly covered in stains of suspicious origin and - for some reason - not being able to shake off that baby spit-up smell are just some of the wonderful things you get to look forward to. On top of that, the first time your baby does anything, you'll most...
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Happy Father’s Day I wish you were a better father. A better father who understands and respects my boundaries. Respects what I do and don’t want to talk about, so you don’t get your feelings hurt when YOU push my boundaries. A better father who doesn’t completely cut me out of your life when we don’t agree. I’m human and I have my own thoughts and opinions. That’s life. A better father who was a part of my WHOLE life instead of just my childhood. My adulthood is just as important and valuable. A better father who is excited for all of the milestones in my life. A better father who is there for me ALWAYS. No matter what. I gave you slack because you didn’t have a great father and father figure in your life. Why do you do the things to me that you were so...
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What you did to us is beyond evil. What you did to me (YOUR wife), my unborn child, Wendi...
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Dear Vincent, I have posted some messages for you on the internet ONLY because some corrupt government people have locked me out of my 6 email accounts and I learned three months ago that the U.S. government has been using the U.S. Post Office to to do some of their dirty work as you can see in this article and videos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3IZtqOx9X8M https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H2tt7uhspY0 https://www.salon.com/2021/04/21/is-the-post-office-spying-on-you-usps-covert-operations-may-monitor-social-media-posts/ Now I really don't know how many of my 40 letters I sent you since I got back from China in August of 2019 were delivered or how many of my 800+ emails I sent you since I arrived in China in 2008 until I was detained for 485 on April 11, 2018 in China...
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Dear Rome, I want you to read this someday to understand exactly how I felt about you coming into my life. Lucky for you, I have a good bit of practice at being a dad at this point and I’d like to think I’m actually pretty good at it. I wouldn’t say that I’m fully prepared and I know life will change, but my nerves are at ease. You will be your own little person and I’m so excited to learn about your personality. I already love you more than you’ll ever know and I’m so ready for your arrival. I’m not the only one that is excited for your arrival. You have so many others that already love you and can’t wait to meet you. Most importantly, your mommy is head over heels about you and she can’t wait to have you in her arms. Your mommy is a beautiful person who has a natural...
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Dear Helpers, I get it. You choose carriers as police officers, teachers, paramedics, nurses, social workers, etc. to help people. I choose my career path for the same reason. I get it! You are all in it to keep people safe and you are all, like me, mandated reporters if you have reason to believe that someone, especially a child or someone in a vulnerable population isn't safe. I get it! I appreciate the motivation behind all that you do and I realize that many of you are trying really hard to do your job to the best of your ability. At the same time, you need to hear something from me, not as a fellow helper, but as a mom. Many of you simply are NOT helping! I am more than a mom. I am a mom of three amazing children, one of whom suffers from multiple physical and mental health...
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I loved you fiercely. From every shadow and crevice of my soul emanated a light and affection I had never known. Maybe that’s why I let you come back so many times. I have spent years blaming myself, buying into the narrative you sold me of my irrefutable guilt for your behavior and your choices. I never claimed to be perfect, in fact I’m far from it. I left you when our first son was born, and I kept him from you for nearly four years, convinced it was in his best interest, and mine. That uncertainty and guilt drove me to come clean, and at first I believed all your lies. I think maybe you did too. That we would be a family, that you would love and support us, that you could love me. But the truth is, you can’t love anything unless there’s something in it for you. You are incapable (...
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Merry Christmas to my favorite Canadian boys who I am very proud to say, have never once been on my naughty list. My best friend Appa told me about you two many years ago, and I am so glad that he did because I wish all the boys and girls on my list were as well-behaved as the two of you. But I must say Dylan, you often push mom to the limits of her patience from time to time. Luckily you are too lovable not to forgive. But don't push your luck Boo Boo. For years I have been stuffing gifts under your beautiful Christmas tree in Mississauga and every year I've been eating the great cookies you have left for me on the table. But I have been gaining a little weight in recent years (all those cookies put 10 pounds on me every year) and it is getting harder for me to get down that chimney...
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Loving someone is a very hard and traumatic thing to go through, unfortunately, we will all have to go through it at some point in life. Coping with loss is very personal and different, but there are still some basic and very universal steps to the loss and grieving process. When you are aware of the steps it can help you work through it and get better over time.  Don’t Block Out the Feelings Losing someone you love will bring out every single emotion that you can imagine. There will be times when you are feeling more than one and you might be feeling like you are losing your mind. It is completely normal to feel that way, therefore you shouldn’t try to block them out or try to act like they are not there. Another very important thing to realise is that there is no...
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