Family

This is coming from the heartbroken girl you "raised". You chose a dog over me dad, I am now mentally, emotionally and physically scared by your dog, which you had no business in having, he's aggressive, and I'm not to blame for it, no matter how many times you drill it into my head. You always tell me to take responsibility for my actions, but your hypocrisy is not for me. I never beat the dog, never wrestled the dog and made it attack, I never made it so he couldn't walk dad. I think the dog represents me in a way. But he hurt me, and it's still my fault I guess. As my mother and I stay with my grandparents I lie awake in bed every night thinking how you never loved me and never will, you aren't my dad, you're the man who convinced me. You help my mother by emotionally abusing her,...
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I wish we could talk. I wish I could look at a picture of you and not feel anger. I'm trying to better my life this year and so far this is how it's gone: -Quit smoking ( My own way ) -A month away from finishing school. ( Grad date late Feb. ) -Studying for the test I need to take to get my license. ( In Mar. ) -Cleaned out everything I had in the basement. -Finished organizing and cleaning my room. ( I can walk in it ) -Currently doing laundry that I've neglected for months. -Got a boyfriend and he's more than I could have ever asked for. ( 4 months ) -I have a friend group now that I can confide in, laugh with, and supports me. And as far as my other goals besides getting the car, a full time job, and moving out. I also want to lose weight when I get a steady...
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You know, its midnight and i have been up for an hour now just bawling my eyes out. Why? Because why do i even try anymore? Why do i still try to joke around with you when all i get is a glare? Why do i try to start a normal every day plain ol conversation with you when you ignore me and dont respond to the simplest questions? Why do i find myself deciding whether or not you even LIKE me let alone love me? You are confused in so many aspects of our relationship. The problem is that i have become a family-oriented-powerhouse of a mother and a problem solver, and i still have time to cook and clean the house and be with our kids. And quite honestly, i think that scares you more than your fear of me being unfaithful. I dont have any reason to be unfaithful, because i dont need anyone else in...
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Mom- I've put off writing this for a while. Partly, because I have the attention span of a goldfish, but mostly because I couldn't even begin to put into words how much you mean to me. How could I possibly sum up 24 years of unconditional love and constant support in a few paragraphs? I guess I'll give it a try.. You know, one thing I've learned to be true in this life is that parenthood is certainly not for everyone. There are so many people who should 100% just not be responsible for another human. In the wise words of Lorelai Gilmore, "Mr. and Mrs. Hitler for example. The Bin Ladens could have watched TV that night. Richard and Emily might have taken a pass at procreating." But, another thing I know to be true is that you were put on this Earth to be a Mother. It is not lost on me...
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I remember what it was like to live in a trailer park with a deadbeat, alcoholic, abusive, and lazy father and a mother who worked three jobs just to feed me. And I remember you, my mom, saving money so that we could afford a deal house. When he - my biological father- left, saying he found another woman, you told me you'd never let it happen again; you said you would keep me happy and safe forever. Now years down the road, I'm huddled into a ball in my bedroom. I've cried so much that I can't cry anymore. I can't remember the last time you told me that you loved me, or even the last time you hugged me. Every heartbreak has a story, though. You used to be my best friend. We would do everything together. When you weren't working you would pick me up from my grandmother's house and we...
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To the next man I love, I hope to find you soon. There are just some things I think you should know. I will love you with all of my heart. I will appreciate you, comfort you, support you, and care for you. I am a single mother, and I don't mean that as I'm a mother that is not in a romantic relationship. I am a single mother that has no help from my son's father. Of course it wasn't always this way though. He was around for the whole pregnancy, he was there everyday for about a year after our son was born. But, he never was really there for our son. Physically there? Yes. Mentally and emotionally there? No. I will be difficult to love. So just a heads up, you have your work cut out for you. But that's not because I'm irrational, bicker with you, or anything. I'm hard to love...
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It has been about a year since you moved in again. Why do I always find myself saying that? I have been alive for eighteen years, and yet it seems like you guys have been living with us for more than half that. Around two years ago, you two made one of the most boneheaded moves I ever could have imagined. You sold your house, bought a camper, and wanted to "live off the land". This is coming from people who live off of the internet and must take everything the easy way. All you had to pay on your house was utilities and taxes. I still wonder to this day exactly why you sold that house. It's not like it was just you two. You still had a fourteen-year-old girl and an eight-year-old girl with you. You still had to look out for them. You promised them again that everything would be fine...
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Even though you made us feel that we're not part of your family, but still, you're a family so thank you. Thank you letting us in to your home even if you don't like us, I guess. And sorry I didn't come to visit you once, I couldn't make it being busy with my own life. I feel sad not because you died but I feel sad because you didn't loved us even once in my life, you and your family, you treat us like others and ask myself why, but it's not important right now anymore because you left us nothing to feel. For now I'd forgiven you and I'm asking for forgiveness too for having a tough heart. Sorry po Ammang you may rest in peace.
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Today you told me that your mistress and your son will be celebrating the New Year's eve with us. You broke to me that news in a very casual way, like it is a normal thing to do. You were oblivious of my momentary silence, not even aware how it made me tensed. Images of our innocent children came to my mind, how they were so excited to welcome the new year with mom and dad. I was excited, too. For the last 3 years, we celebrated in your absence. I thought, this year would be different. Little did we know that you have a heartbreaking plan. You invited an intruder. I'd love to have your son with us but your mistress is just too much. What happened? Have you lost every ounce of respect for our family? Why? What have I done to deserve this kind of agony? Have you even thought about how I'd...
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Dear you I am glad you found this letter. I hope it reaches you in good health. This letter is for all of you who are in foster care, or those of you who have been. I want you to know that you are worthy. The emotions you have felt over the years have probably been mixed. Some of you would have felt relieved. Some confused. Some of you hurting very much. I want you to know that life gets better. And whilst this is painful for you now, someday you will build a life for yourself and you will be surrounded by people who love you, and who will love you forever. It can be very tough when it appears your destiny lies with a social work team. Sometimes it seems they make decisions without including you. It's not easy. But just know and trust in your heart that they are looking out...
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