Family

Addiction is a crazy thing isn’t it? One day everything in the world is normal and the next day, the bear is back. For some of us, the bear is a parent whose alcohol addiction never seems to end. For others, it can be harder things like prescription pills or street drugs. The bear isn’t the person your parent thought that they’d be. The bear is a manifestation of something that none of us can understand. You are the cub. However, in this life, the cub doesn’t have to follow the bears footsteps and the cub won’t learn everything it knows from the bear. I am a cub. I’m a cub who’s grown up and doesn’t let the actions of my dad control the way I live or view my life. We all have the power to be strong and overcome obstacles that seem impossible. My dad became addicted to the...
1,787
When the phone rang last night, I already knew it was you before I even glanced at the handset. Rather than cringe at the thought of hearing your voice, I honestly welcomed the call. After months of begging you to discuss the issue that landed us in court today, I still—yes still to the very end held out hope that you were calling me last night to be civilized, mature and finally ready to craft a detailed action plan to help you on the path to success, mental-wellness and stability. Surprisingly, I was even prepared to offer yet another apology, Kailee. One of many apologies for anything hurtful I may have spoken or any negative action on my part that caused you so much anger or resentment. As we both know as you stand here today-- Unfortunately, that was not how the telephone...
1,790
Two rocks of fortitude in my life. The first is a soul of infinite LOVE whose light transcends the darkest depths of the universe, enlightening others with her infectious symphony of joy. In her youth she cared for a pair of tiny souls that she carried in her womb for nine months before introducing them to this new world. A beautiful woman with long, silky-smooth, black hair that reached past her waistline. A smile from ear to ear that would resemble a glowing, crescent shaped moon if it were placed among the stars at night. A piercing gaze she possesses, hazel eyes that lock their sight upon you, always probing. Skilled hands that can conjure-up sparkling magic in the eyes of her tiny souls. Tireless, unceasing passion, and energy; a pillar of strength she is. But time is indiscriminate...
1,425
It has never been an easy relationship with you. I have always felt wrong in everything I do, I have always felt like I am not what you wanted. You complain about me and who I am, how can I help who I am when you are the one who created me? How can I help who I am when you are the one who raised me? I am what you made me and you are not happy. I have done everything I can to make you happy. You have done things to me I wish you never did, things I hope I never do to my daughter, you have said things to me I wish I could forget but those words will forever stay in my head. How is it that you can do all those things to me and I still love you whole heartedly but I have done nothing and I am still not what you want? As my mother I will always have respect for you and what you do for me, but...
1,725
Cancer found its way into your brain. It dug its way into the middle of your brain and began to grow. You were just a baby, just two years old, you had barely started your life and it was already about to be taken away from you. There was very little chance of you surviving, but there was no way mom was going to let you go down without a fight, you went through chemo, radiation, and surgery after surgery after surgery. Now it wasn’t just the cancer killing you, it was everything that was being done to save you on top of cancer that was killing you. Your pain was obvious but how could a mother just sit back and watch her child die. After many treatments of radiation and chemo therapy, it had to come to a stop. Your cancer was not giving up and if the treatment continued, that would be your...
1,308
Dear Mom, What do you say to a woman who is no longer on this earth? How do I express my anger, frustration, love, loss? Before your death, I was so terrified of you yet I loved you as any daughter should. I wished you would leave, go on vacation, abandon us, even die just so I could not live in fear for one day. I can still feel the way my fear would start in my chest and reach to the very depths of my toes. I remember the shaking, and literally being scared stiff as you came at me with a horse whip and swinging fists. I think back to those times and wonder “Why didn’t I run? Why didn’t I fight back?”. Was it my fear that held me there or was it my need to please you through obedience? I have so much pain I want you to see, I want you to recognize the damage you caused...
1,798
To Leslie, this is how I normally feel going through my days without you around. I am currently sitting in class alone. I hear other people talking and laughing. I think of things to try and lift my mood or start conversing. But it is no use, I sit here in my desk angry and alone. Normally I don't mind being alone, but today is different. You are no where near me to make feel better. Our worlds are different now. As much as I hate missing you, I can't help it. Even if I were to hear your voice, I don't think it would make anything better. I think I would lose it and become emotional. I find myself thinking about you all the spare moments I have. Things I see and hear remind me of you. You are everywhere, but are nowhere to be found. Some days are harder than others, today is definitely...
1,448
I was just a child when you left; I was just a baby in fact, just 3 years old. I was not able too much on my own. I was left alone because you could not lift your head far enough off the ground where you slept the day before, unable to make it to your bed. It was not just the alcohol that had a hold on you, but the spoon that you used not to feed me but your addiction. I held on to my older sister just 3 years my elder, to make my food and take me to play to act as my mother not just during role play in the game “house” but in my life as well. She was my example, the leader I would follow, I was her shadow. We did it all on our own. Our innocence corrupted by your ignorance. I write because I have to say thank you. Thank you for being who you are, because you have made me who I am...
1,960
To the woman I call mama, Growing up I had the cool mom. The mom who was young and could be my older sister and if anyone dare say that to my face I’d be pissed at them for a while. Even though my friends always liked you, there were times that I didn’t. Times that I look back on now and know I was just being a brat. Typical kid rebelling against any authority figure who got to close, who wanted to try and connect with me. You see growing up I had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. So much that I had a hard time doing what you told me because I felt you had no right. I took care of myself and in my eye’s, I didn’t need you. The oldest of four and a step-father who thought old fashion. You know the ones who bring home the bacon so it’s the woman’s job to raise the kids but that’s...
1,518
To my In-Laws: How do I even begin? How do I adequately convey via a typed word the consistent uphill battle we have been in together for over 6 years?
1,778

Pages