Family

To Leslie, this is how I normally feel going through my days without you around. I am currently sitting in class alone. I hear other people talking and laughing. I think of things to try and lift my mood or start conversing. But it is no use, I sit here in my desk angry and alone. Normally I don't mind being alone, but today is different. You are no where near me to make feel better. Our worlds are different now. As much as I hate missing you, I can't help it. Even if I were to hear your voice, I don't think it would make anything better. I think I would lose it and become emotional. I find myself thinking about you all the spare moments I have. Things I see and hear remind me of you. You are everywhere, but are nowhere to be found. Some days are harder than others, today is definitely...
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I was just a child when you left; I was just a baby in fact, just 3 years old. I was not able too much on my own. I was left alone because you could not lift your head far enough off the ground where you slept the day before, unable to make it to your bed. It was not just the alcohol that had a hold on you, but the spoon that you used not to feed me but your addiction. I held on to my older sister just 3 years my elder, to make my food and take me to play to act as my mother not just during role play in the game “house” but in my life as well. She was my example, the leader I would follow, I was her shadow. We did it all on our own. Our innocence corrupted by your ignorance. I write because I have to say thank you. Thank you for being who you are, because you have made me who I am...
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To the woman I call mama, Growing up I had the cool mom. The mom who was young and could be my older sister and if anyone dare say that to my face I’d be pissed at them for a while. Even though my friends always liked you, there were times that I didn’t. Times that I look back on now and know I was just being a brat. Typical kid rebelling against any authority figure who got to close, who wanted to try and connect with me. You see growing up I had a lot of responsibility on my shoulders. So much that I had a hard time doing what you told me because I felt you had no right. I took care of myself and in my eye’s, I didn’t need you. The oldest of four and a step-father who thought old fashion. You know the ones who bring home the bacon so it’s the woman’s job to raise the kids but that’s...
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To my In-Laws: How do I even begin? How do I adequately convey via a typed word the consistent uphill battle we have been in together for over 6 years?
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You are truly amazing. I could not possibly find enough ways to thank you or show you my appreciation for everything you do. But i'll try anyways. To the woman who deals with my heathen children while i'm at work. Who does it all. While starting my day at work enjoying a cup of coffee, you are changing diapers. When taking a moment to catch up on the news, you are scrubbing the floor clean of crayon residue. As I take a quiet walk around the office before sitting at my desk, you are having to repeat yourself to the children yet again, that pants go above the butt crack and not below. While speaking with a client on the phone, you are setting out a meal plan for the week.When i'm opening a research ticket with IT because i forgot a password, a fresh load of laundry is being...
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Dear husband, I never took the oath. I didn't have my branch pinned to my uniform. I never put on combat boots or trained with a gun. All I did was fall in love. I loved you my soldier for your gentleness. You are a quiet leader. Your fellow soldiers respect you and I respected you too. You were a good listener. You carried a sense of pride in your work and were good at it. You always pushed yourself to be better. You were my best friend and lover. You gave me everything you could to make me happy. There was something I wanted most from you but just couldn't have. That was your time. The army had you go from here to there, this duty and that duty, this exercise and that training. 2 weeks here, 1 month there. But I was willing to wait for you. I gave up on my own education and career to...
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To the two boys who stole my heart, I write this because no matter what guy I end up spending the rest of my life with, the two of you will forever hold my heart in your hands. Growing up with y'all has been the greatest thing to ever happen to me. I have learned so much about how I deserve to be treated. Thank you for that. Thank you for making me tough. When we were growing up, I always knew that I could never cry if I was the butt of the joke (which was usually the case) because it would only make matters worse. Because of this, I learned to take things with a grain of salt. I learned the true meaning of sticks and stones. It's because of all the slaps and hits that I took from the two of you that I am able to remain strong when times are hard. Thank you for making me tough....
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I made a decision to end my struggle through life tonight. Living in a world that I can't possibly change as a person who is clearly not designed to survive it has become the unfathomable bane of my existence. As the mess that is my pain and my life continues to bleed into the lives of those I love the most, cauterizing myself from you all seems like the only thing to do, if I truly love you all. This way, you can move on and allow yourselves to heal from the disruption I have caused. Sometimes we need to use a thorn to remove a thorn. I know it will hurt for a bit, but soon the immediate pain will fade and be replaced by the things that really matter and deserve your love and attention. To Gabe. Know that I will love you forever and always be looking out for you. I'm sorry I broke my...
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An open letter to my great-grandparents: Dear Abuelita and Abuelito, It has been 5 or 6 years that I last have seen you. I mean you guys aren’t dead but still you moved back to Mexico a long time ago and I miss you. I miss the way that you would come over and let yourself in and wait for us to get home. I miss the way you would tell me stories about my grandma and your life stories and endeavours. I miss the way we would go shopping together just for my Abuelito to shop for new mugs and for new bags and you would just get the same pink or purple long skirt with a new hair broach every time. I guess, I just miss you. I appreciate those little moments that seemed so meaningless yet stuck with me for the rest of my life. When we would cook together and I learned how to make molé...
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Dear dad, That sounded funny. I never really got the chance to call you that. I don’t remember much. In fact, I don’t actually remember anything. Only what my mother chose to tell me. I’m sure if I asked to hear more she would tell me. I don’t really feel the need to know. I’m truly glad that I don’t remember. I’m willing to bet that you don’t remember much either. At least, I hope you don’t. What I do remember of you is everything I don’t remember. You were never there. I don’t remember you teaching me how to: tie my shoes ride my bike defend myself catch a fish drive a car change a tire cut up firewood I can’t recall any of these things because you were never there to teach them to me. Maybe if I was older when your addiction struck you would have taught me...
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