Broken Hearts

Life is not easy, we all know that. Life isn't ever supposed to be easy. There are endless quotes about how life would be meaningless if it were perfect, and that strength is built from the hardships. However, everyone is treated differently. Some are born lucky, some are not. Some have to fight for everything their worth just to get through the day. You're no exception to that. I still have so much I have yet to learn about you, so many fights that I'm not even aware you've fought. Maybe there's some I don't even know you're fighting now. All I know is that you've done more fighting than anyone should ever have to do. It's been one thing after another as it all continues to pile up. I've seen it all break you before, and that breaks me. I check on you every chance I get, and ask...
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An open letter to the “father” who was anything but, When I was young, naive, hopeful, I thought you were amazing. I knew you had flaws but I forgave you. I was your pride and joy. Your favorite. Or so I thought. But as I grew, i realized that there was something more important to you. Something that you would choose time and time again. That familiar stool. That familiar cool aluminum in your hand. Night after night you returned to the safety of that chilled glass. Night after night you pushed me further away. I find it especially difficult to recall positive memories of my childhood, ones that aren’t shortly after followed with unimaginable pain. You were supposed to be my father. Supposed to be the man who shows me how I am supposed to be treated by men, what I should/shouldn’t...
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When we met you were everything to me. I fell for you hard and fast. For years we dated on and off. You had made mistakes in the past, shoot we all have. I forgave you after 4 years. We tried again and it seemed like you were a completely different person. Sweet, caring, and compassionate. We had talked about starting a life and family together. I’ll never forget the day we found out we were going to be parents. There was a light in your eyes on that day. However, that light faded very fast when we had lost that little one. You had started to get more aggressive again, more angry. You scared me on multiple occasions. As I was dealing with the loss of our little one you ignored everything around you. You turned to video games, booze, and drugs. You left me to cry and hurt alone. I needed...
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Dear ---, I so wish that I could tell you how much I like you. How I have fallen for you. I also wish I could tell you that I know. You don't really think I am that dumb, I hope?! I wish I could tell you that my heart feels broken today. I have been consumed with pain. After the last, I gave up. I will never trust again. I know you have been hurt too. I wish time wasn't as it is. I wish we could heal together. I wish I knew how you felt, if you have any feelings at all. I guess if I have to ask... I wish I knew if I should walk away or continue. I wish I didn't have to decide. I wish upon a star.
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It’s strange how many opportunities there are to stand on your soapbox and broadcast your life, but how equally unacceptable this appears to be in the land of social media. An open letter, to me, is a cathartic release and a way to reach people that normally wouldn’t listen. Get comfy – I have a few things to get through. With everything that has happened over the past two years it’s been hard to see how I could forgive some people. Don’t get me wrong, the hurt is still there but it doesn’t define who I am and it’s certainly not going to stop me. There is nothing harder than accepting an apology you know that you’ll never receive but I honestly wonder if those people will ever see their actions from the side of the other person. For all intents and purposes, I was happy. I had...
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He’s discarded us and we are both hiding the chide of raw rejection.. Why dear heart can’t we come together in our need? We share the same body, the same blood, but we tear and tear at each other with meanness and pity and guilt and blame.. Why dear heart when we are all we’ve got forever do we do this? Are we so far apart in our feelings that we seek others to replace the beating of our own one blood through our veins? Is the containment so constricting, that we are destined to scream and ach and cavort for external distraction ceaselessly? Or is that just me doing that… keeping you up all night with my doubts and fears and worries? When you just want to hula in to a moonlit pool and sway in its gently lapping waves? Should we call upon our soul to soothe us? Where can we look...
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Dear Everyone, I am writing to let you know that you succeeded. The war between you and I has finally come to an end. You won. I let you win. Let me tell you how you won... I let you succeed at every opportunity to ruin me, break my soul that was already broken. You made me feel exactly what my 8 year old self dreaded. A disaster. My 8 year old self would be so tormented to know that she would turn out to be what she is today. I let your words haunt me to sleep every night. "you're ugly", "you're too fat", "your eyes are too big", "the gap between your teeth makes you look cheap", "you're dumb", "you're weak" and the worst of it all "you're not pretty enough to exist". As the tears rush down my face I made myself believe in those words. I made myself believe that is who I am...
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To: The boy I will never be with, You always cross my mind at night when I lie alone in my bed. I cry just thinking about the fact that we no longer talk. That we are no longer best friends. I miss your hugs, those tight hugs you give me when you haven't seen me in awhile. You gave me my first drink when i was 14, you also gave me my first butterflies. Darling, my sweet darling i miss hearing your voice every now and then. I wish I had never pushed you away. But I am unstable and lack control when it comes to my emotions. My inner monster let you go, my monster called borderline who I cant control in fact it controls me. I wish you knew how I felt... With every tear that falls at night I pray to god that I find someone like you. Every time I get drunk you cross my mind because its...
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Dear life, Guess what!? I have no hope for you. I am screwing everything up from my exams to my existence. I am such a sad excuse for a human being. I suffered from verbal abuse my whole life but realized it only now. I let people, words and actions get into my head and haunt the life out of me. I cry, I cut and I make myself sick to the gut most days. I can't deal with it anymore my life has lost its meaning, I guess it had no meaning to lose in the first place. I don't matter to people especially the ones who are constantly around me, they don't care, they are fed up too and so am I. I try and try and try to have hope and succeed but it's as if I am cursed! As much as I hate to say it I am giving up this fight, I am done...
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I know this must be hard on you not seeing your son and all but do you ever lay awake at night thinking about what you did? Do you even remember it or is it fragmented memories because of your intoxicated state. Do you ever sit back and think about what your son had to witness? Do you know that when he plays with mommy and daddy toys, he portray's the daddy one as an angry monster? Do you know he saw you hit his mother that night- even though she didn't put it in her statement or press charges, he still saw it. Do you know when he hears a clicking noise, anything loud or a knock on the door he runs and hides and screams "No, Daddy, No." He wakes up in the middle of the night crying saying "daddy pow pow." Did you know that not one person in his life right now has said anything negative...
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