More Open Letters

Dear Low-Cut Pants,

I’m told that you feel grievously injured by my “radical” decision to...

3,687

Dear Eyebrows,

3,181

Dear Whoever Broke Into My Car This Morning,

Hello, oh pirate of the back streets, and...

2,897

Dear Global Warming,

I know I’m not supposed to like you. I’ve heard about your grandiose...

3,844

Dear Sirs and/or Madams,

You sadistic bastards.

Do you dislike kids? What else...

2,831

Dear Sonicare Electric Toothbrush,

I admit, I was always skeptical of your much-heralded...

2,862

Dear Vice President Cheney,

Let me express my condolences for the loss of your chief of...

3,544

Dear Jim at the Oregon Department of Revenue,

When I filed my taxes in February last year...

3,892

Dear Smart Puffs,

3,381

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