More Open Letters

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MANGO FLY LARVA LIVING IN MY LEFT BUTTOCK

Dear mango fly larva currently taking up residence in my left buttock,

It’s time to come...

4,906
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE LADY AT THE FARMERS’ MARKET AND THE LADY AT THE APPLE STORE WHO OFFERED ME THEIR UNWANTED CONDOLENCES FOR EXPECTING A SECOND BABY BOY

Dear Ladies,

I don’t know you and you don’t me.

Yet, when you noticed the...

6,102
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE LADY AT THE FARMERS’ MARKET AND THE LADY AT THE APPLE STORE WHO OFFERED ME THEIR UNWANTED CONDOLENCES FOR EXPECTING A SECOND BABY BOY

Dear Ladies,

I don’t know you and you don’t me.

Yet, when you noticed the...

6,445
AN OPEN LETTER TO TRUCKERS FROM YOUR ADOPT-A-HIGHWAY VOLUNTEER

Dear truckers,

I found your piss. Twenty-three bottles, to be exact, in the grass along...

3,136
AN OPEN LETTER TO PALEO DIET ENTHUSIASTS

Dear Paleo Diet Enthusiasts,
3,172
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE UGLY MUG I PAINTED AT PAINT A DREAM LAST WEEKEND

Dear ugly mug I painted at Paint A Dream last weekend,

I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to...

2,903
AN OPEN LETTER TO MEN ON THE SUBWAY, SPECIFICALLY DURING MORNING RUSH HOUR ON THE A TRAIN BETWEEN JAY STREET AND CANAL

Dear MTA Riders of the Male Persuasion,

I know you like to spread your chests wide,...

3,278
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY EX-FIANCÉ ABOUT MY RECENT ARM AMPUTATION

Dear Ex-Fiancé,

Sometime last summer I contracted an infection in my left hand.

...

6,960
AN OPEN LETTER TO YOUR UNREADABLE HASHTAG

Dear Hashtags That Should Really Be Sentences,

This is an intervention. Did you catch...

3,000
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE SONGWRITERS OF “LET IT GO.”

Dear Kristen Anderson-Lopez and Robert Lopez,

I haven’t had an earworm infection this bad...

3,055

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