More Open Letters

AN OPEN LETTER TO MY 1994 HIGH SCHOOL CLASS REGARDING MY DESIGNATION OF “MOST LIKELY TO SUCCEED”

Dear Class of 1994,

I regret to announce my resignation as “Most Likely to Succeed.”...

2,180
AN OPEN LETTER TO TARGETED ONLINE ADVERTISERS

Dear Targeted Online Advertisers,

I hesitate to write this, because honestly, much of...

2,745
AN OPEN LETTER TO ARABIC LABIALS

Dear Arabic Labials,

A few years back, I taught English to speakers of other languages....

3,442
AN OPEN LETTER TO CANONICAL AUTHORS

Dear Canonical Authors,

I regret the impersonal nature of this form letter, but time-...

3,427
AN OPEN LETTER TO ANDREA ANGRUM, SITE DIRECTOR FOR NASA’S VOYAGER PROGRAM

Dear Mrs. Angrum:

I’d like to take this opportunity to congratulate you for successfully...

7,024
AN OPEN LETTER OF THANKS TO THE GUY WITH THE SMIRKING LOOK OF DISDAIN AND SUPERIORITY WHEN I TRY TO UPSELL HIM AT MY DEAD-END RETAIL JOB

Dear Sir,

Would it be presumptuous to tell you how I really feel? Share my emotions? Lay...

2,850
AN OPEN LETTER TO MY TODDLER REGARDING HIS USE OF MY IPHONE

Dear Son/Future Apple Employee,
2,934
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE HOT CANADIAN ZUMBA TEACHER WHO PULLED ME ONSTAGE AFTER MY MOTHER DIED

Dear Hot Canadian Zumba Teacher,

You didn’t know she’d had a heart attack a thousand...

3,908
AN OPEN LETTER TO #FITGIRLS

Dear #fitgirls,

I’m worried that if I see another green smoothie on your Instagram, I...

2,773
AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MANGO FLY LARVA LIVING IN MY LEFT BUTTOCK

Dear mango fly larva currently taking up residence in my left buttock,

It’s time to come...

4,564

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