i know you think that i'm mad at you for the years of abuse and emotional turmoil that you put me through, but i'm not. i'm mad at myself for not recognizing the abuse sooner.
i've tried for a while now to forget certain things--the fear i felt when you'd shut me up in my room while you drank with your loud, loud friends; the disappointment i felt when you'd ghost me after i changed my entire schedule for just an hour or two with you; the fear i felt when you would leave me in parking lots all alone. all alone. anyways. i've tried to forget, but i can't.
i got a phone before anyone else in my grade. everyone thought that i was cool or spoiled or rich--i wasn't. i wanted to explain. i wanted them to know what you'd done; wanted them to know that you would drop your six year old off at...
You Bastard!
You know what I hate??
I’m a very very emotional and sensitive person.
I hate it when I try to get close people,to be polite and nice to them and then they in turn act like I’m stupid for wanting that.
If you don’t want someone around your corner,tell them.
Don’t ignore people who you know love you you stupid manipulative piece of shit.
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Just wanted to share my LAST text to John:
The last text thread was pure sarcasm on my part. I caught you trying to fuck a total stranger in 5 min on FB.
you have the nerve to say you're shook up! Fucking laughable!
It was a fling. One of us can be honest.
I saw my initial trip as an escape. You lovebombed me fiercely after that. Lies, fantasies- I suppose you pulled out a reliable script. The words you said never matched your actions. I never fully believed you.
2nd and third trip, your excitement diminished and the reality crept in.
You knew when to reel me back in, and when to subtly insult me.
I never came, not once, on the third trip. Everything was about you. Rather, you went through the motions of pleasing your partner, as though we all like the same things.
I was...
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Dear exbestfriend,
What happened. You always made me feel so bad. You kinda make me want to go back in time. I want to know you again. Not putting all my love on you. Would you even care if I died. I’m better without you.
You once made me happy. Now I hate to see your name. Even now when I think of you I’m disputing on thinking of “good” memories and hating your for hurting me. I don’t think you were fake but you weren’t 100% real either. I hope someday you have a friend like yourself.
I didn’t lose a friend. I realized I never hade one. If it weren’t for you, I might still give my heart easily to anyone I can hold onto. But now, I know better. We can’t force friendship, just like we can’t force love. Instead of losing myself to be the best friend for you, I choose me now.
I...
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Written around: March to June 2021
The background:
The story I usually don’t like telling:
That there are people who don't want me around, became very evident to me since the time my Application for Professorship was first considered at Faculty Sub-ASAC in August 2018. The sources of points (earned or achieved) that I had claimed in my application became obvious to everyone and immediately some colleagues shamelessly started to question my credentials and credibility, with the sole aim to hinder my academic movements.
I was removed from Headship (in an extremely influenced, unfair and prejudiced Departmental Meeting on August 31st, 2018) after just one-term (this had happened for the first and only time, at least since I joined NUL in 2003). That too, after a number of...
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February 1, I went into the hospital because I tried to commit suicide. I tried to because I couldn't take the pain anymore...bad idea. When I got out of the hospital I thought things would be different. looks like I was wrong. Everything was the same besides how I think and act. I kept on wanting to cut myself everyday because school was a living hell and my family didn't understand me. My mom was still a living drug addict, my dad want to tell me about my problems and same with his, my brothers started understanding but not as much, and my grandmother still lazy and keeps her mouth shut when ever my brothers and I get in trouble. So there you have it. That is my life for you. I just want everyone to know that they are not alone in this and that you have to keep fighting.
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Mother,
When you’ll read this letter, you will probably be back in New Orleans. You will probably be depressed to find your apartment empty, to go back to your boring job, you will miss these vacations in Italy you had with your friends. But right now, you just hung up the phone on me because I didn’t leave my flat in weeks and you must be angrily crying with a bottle of scotch.
Well, I guess you’re not wrong. I am keen on depressed alcoholism myself. But the thing is that I am tired of having arguments with you. I am tired of most things, in fact.
And because I am so tired, I just realized you were right all along. I am the perfect copy of my father: I can’t change. Hell if I tried. And because of that, I can’t make you happy.
You probably think this is just another of my...
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Dad,
I've tried so many times to write this letter and had to stop because I get filled with rage every time. Fathers are supposed to be there to protect their children not torture them. My earliest memory I have of your torture is when I was 3. You threw me down the stairs because I called mom a bitch. A word I heard you call her a million times but for whatever reason it was wrong when I said it. Lucky or unlucky for me, mom was there to patch me up.
Then at age 5, you gave me a six pack of beer for my birthday present and told me to drink it or else. Well I remembered what happened when I was 3 so of course I tried to drink the entire 6 pack. I ended up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning. The one thing I did enjoy about that day was that the beer made me numb to the...
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The ones on t.v five or seven days a week or online it seems to me that a lot of you perhaps supporters of Donald Trump as president of The United States when it comes to African Americans. Let me say you don't speak for me I will never ever be a supporter of Trump .Trump is racist bigot he showed his true colors as a real estate business he and his father didn't want to rent to blacks saying that blacks are lazy and disrespecting the first black president by questioning his U.S citizenship if you're a black journalist on t.v or you're in sports or you're average African Americans that support Donald Trump as president or a individual F*** you this is the guy who assaulted four congresswomen telling them they don't belong in the usa one of them was threatened calling nfl players (SOB)...
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Mr Makwarela today marks the 2nd Father's day without our father that you brutally murdered
Our hearts are in pain. My mother is trying to be strong for us as a family but she cries herself to sleep every single night. My father had four daughters and two boyz that today are real left without a dad all because of your actions.
We see you roaming around the streets every now and again. Because the justice system has failed us as a family and you feel that you have won. Well FYI you haven't won. My father once told us( ni songo di lifhedzela nndwa asi yanu neani mbiti dza murena tshifhinga) do not avenge for yourself. When GOD avenge for us u wont know what hit you.
My father's grandchildren keeps on asking us when will grandpa come back and with teary eyes we tell them he is...
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