Where are we now? I need to know. Because I am never going to be somebodies substitute. I'm no reserve option waiting in the wings to pick you up if other options don't work out, like I may have been in the past.
I deserve more than that. Whilst I acknowledge and appreciate your want and need for me to change myself and better myself for you and us but aside my desire to have a steady and successful life and relationship with the person I see when I see you, I have to examine the realities of what I am fighting for.
Am I fighting for the woman who looks at me with loving eyes, who respects me, who wants to show me off and share her life with around the world?
Is there a consistency in her feelings towards me and a security in our connected bond?
Is there complete trust and...
Broken Hearts
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I fell in love with her. I never wanted it to be this way. I never wanted to go behind your back, I never even wanted to believe that I could. For almost two years I was so ashamed and self hating over the way I felt for her. I tried to bury those feelings, to deny them. Why do you think I always said I'd never date someone who was more than a year older than me? Why do you think I always said I didn't find nose piercings attractive? Why do you think I was so obsessed with trying to get Germany bae to like me? It's because I was desperate to convince myself, prove to myself that my feelings were not real, that I could easily be interested in someone else.
But after that night we stayed up and talked to 6am while you sulked in the office, everything came to...
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I hope you're doing well. I can't hate you no matter what you did. I want you to know how broken you left me and how you made me lose faith in humanity. I want you to know how terrible you were to me to make me fall in love with the person you portrayed but never were.
I want you to tell me why you did that to me. Why you pretended to be someone you're not. Why you used fake name, fake face by sharing some other guy's pictures with me saying it's you. Why you proposed me while being all that fake person. What did I ever do to you to deserve that? Why you presented yourself as someone you're not and since we never met you succeeded so well in it, congratulations.
But why would you hurt me? Why why why...
Because of you I am not able to trust any guy.
Because I think everyone is...
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Where do I begin? Where do I start? What do I say? I guess I'll start by saying that i never meant to hurt you. I never want to cause you heartache.
It seems so silly, i thought everything i was doing was for you, for us. i kept using that same old reasoning on why i barely had time for you, i was wrong. maybe i did it for me. but despite all of those you stayed, you stayed for 6 years. you was my rock. you gave me support on days where i think that i should give up, you lifted me up on nights where i think that i should quit, that i have failed. its funny as this all sounded like a fairytale with a happy ending.
Everything was amazing, everything was a bliss. until one day you woke up and realise this was all a faux pas. you realised that you are not happy and you gave up. i dont...
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There’s really no good way to start this. A lot has happened tonight, and the worst part is, while I’m shocked, I can’t say that I’m surprised.
Just an hour ago, my then-boyfriend called me in tears. He said that he had another huge argument with you, over me. He said that it culminated in an ultimatum: either we end our three-and-a-half year relationship, or you disown him.
I know that we don’t live in a fairy tale or, dare I say it, some romance movie. I know how important family is to both him and I. It would kill him to lose you. I know that the choice was clear for him, no matter how much it hurt. That isn’t to say I’m absolving him of responsibility - no matter how inevitable these kind of decisions are, they are still a two-way street - but I feel the deepest sympathy for...
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An open letter to the guy I can't be just friends with...
I'm still in love with you, but I'm finally getting over you. But I'll never be able to be just your friend. Not because I can't be around you, or that I'm mad at your for not loving me back. It's nothing like that or even close to that.
It's that I don't want to ruin the image in my head of the guy I loved. The one that loved me back. The one who cared about me, wanted me, and I could feel. I don't want to say you have changed, because I don't think that is fair.
I don't want to lose the picture in my mind of your smiling face laying inches away from mine on my pillow. Your eyes closing as you try to hold back that goofy laugh you did when I said something dumb. I don't want to lose the idea of someone as perfect as you...
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You are in my thoughts every second of everyday with the 2 girls we made together. I think about the family we had and what I could of done different. I have never cheated on you or even thought of anyone besides you and the family we created. I am a piece of shit. I deserve the torture I sit through everyday but I will end one day. I pray for us to be a family again. I miss everything, I sit in the home we made together with empty walls because all I think about is us and the kids. I hate myself now, I am so lonely without you all, I punish myself for everything I even think I did wrong. I miss you all and love endless. I curse myself everyday and wish to make things better. I love you babe.
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There is so much to say it's hard to put into words. I've spent half my life with you and in the last two years you've been highly inappropriate with five different men. Now with the latest guy you've gone to the point of talking about "dates" at his house at some point in the future. So you've finally taken the step to move beyond hurtful, explicit "flirting" to actually planning to sleep with someone else.
Over time the small betrayals have let the love out of my heart like air gradually releasing from a balloon. Seeing that you're ready and willing to sleep with a man 20 years older than you and who you barely know, to throw away our family and all the work we've done in marriage counseling - that's like a sledgehammer blow to the balloon.
And yet you will take no...
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Dear ...,
It’s not been a long time that I see you. Before you, Life was just as simple it could be. I used to laugh, cry, exclaim at every single occasion life would offer me. I would open my heart out loud to the world at times by penning down my thoughts in verses or at times by sweeping texts in some chatbox. And though I intend to do the same I cannot. From an extrovert I slowly silently even without my consciousness thereby I got changed. I don’t speak nowadays, I don’t write, I don’t sing, I don’t open my heart away. And now standing at a point of nowhere in my life, I find myself standing like a rock, with a speak-ti-not on board. What could have the reason for you to gift me this?.To endure me with the sense of emotional vulnerability is no righteous of you. You would have told...
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Have you ever been in a place you just can't get out of? A place of darkness? A place where you wake up naturally drained...
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