Growing up we are often not aware of the things that effect us the most. Especially when those things have been missing out of your life, and that's all you've ever known.
To those who have grown up without a father ... You're not crazy or confused, you're not weak or behind. You are strong, you are independent and you have to work a little harder at understanding life.
At times it was almost as if you didn't know the difference of not having a father. Except the times when you would see your friends hug their dads or hear them talk about how they couldn't live without them. You would swallow the hurt, make a joke, or ignore the feeling and eventually forget it even exists.
What you didn't realize is how not having a father made growing up ten times harder. You have a lot to learn on...
How to cope with family
Dear grandparents of my one month old child,
Things were awesome at first. I couldn't have asked for a better support system than you. You guys may have been a little rough around the edges then but you only had good intentions. I appreciate everything you did for me and my daughter in that time. I'll say it again. Thank you so much.
But then shit hit the fan, now I'm a bad mom. I'm a bad mom because I co-bathe, I'm a bad mom because I moved out after you told me I was an unfit parent, I'm a bad mom because I won't take your advice that goes against doctor's orders, I'm starving my baby because I let her sleep until she cries for a feeding twice at night, and finally I'm an unfit parent because I have depression AND postpartum.
Now, you're withholding the only newborn pictures I have...
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I hope this letter does eventually find you.
I always wonder how you even get out of bed a pile on all that make up every day, knowing that today you know even less about your daughter than you did yesterday.
What web of lies do you fabricate for your family and friends to justify why you haven’t seen your first born child in almost six years.
I assume you place the blame on her dad and I, that we brainwashed her to turn against you. Well if brainwashing is showing her a home that runs on respect, love, attention, and working together while your home offered interrogation, blaming, constant arguing and confrontation, and abuse, then yes, you’re right, we brainwashed the hell out of her, or maybe at nine years old she started to do what you always said she would do “She will start to...
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Exoneration for Two: an open letter of forgiveness to my biological father
Dear Father,
Thank you for bringing me into the world. And spending those first few years with me(my baby years). I remember when I got a little older and my mom had met my awesome step dad, she would still try to keep you and I connected. She would drop me off at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and you would be there. You would teach me how to play some new video game on your Xbox that you had just bought at the game store. I remember playing mortal combat the most, it was my favorite. We would spend late nights at the house watching The Hulk, Daredevil or some other comic book action hero movie that I came soon to love. Sometimes you had enough money to take me to the movie theatre near the house. You would buy...
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Dear mom
An so my day begins.i get home from school,do the dishes wipe down counters.feed baby change baby. Feed dogs walk the dogs go to take out the dogs. Re sweep because my little brother can't sweep right. Clean up behind my brother. Dont go outside, don't go to the park.dont go to the mall or movies. its rare.an so is a nap, i sleep then wake up my day has started over.You raised me from birth. An as i got older things became so hard for us but you always made sure we were okay. When i was younger you worked a lot, kids at school would ask me why i didn't get to see you as much or why didn't you pick me up from school. And why she always late. An i would tell them that you work. I never implied that you worked too much because i understood why you did what you did for me an...
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Dear brother,
Hey brother it seems like yesterday you were teaching me how to make your famous pizza with all the different sauces, even the sauce that you put on top of the pizza. It was so fun,we listen to music and danced and just goofed around till the pizza was done. Then after we would go in the basement and watch movies and then I would fall asleep. When I fell asleep you would put a cover on me and kiss my forehead.
I really miss you so much bro. Everything you have told me has helped me so much in life and in school. Just know I’m so proud that you went to the army. I think and talk about you every single day, I even keep your army picture in my phone case. So everyday I have my brother with me everywhere I go. By the way you’re probably worried about me...
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Dear Mom,
I want my money that you took from me. I gave you fifteen dollars about a week ago and you haven’t paid me back yet. When am I gonna get my money. I wanted to spend my money on something I wanted. But I had to give you most of my money and had only $4 to my name 4 freaking dollars. Today makes it 8 days since I gave you that money, I just want my money back. I love you fam but I need money just like you need money. I could of brought so much candy and two bags of takis at the store with that money. I’m tired of waiting for you to give me my money. If I would’ve known that it would have took a week in a day to get the money back. I went to help my Aunt move in to her house not you, I had to pick heavy things up not you. It took me over four hours to help her get her...
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Hey,
I know you think we all agree with you, that everything you say we think you are right. In reality we don't think that, or at least I don't.
The past few days I've thought and the past few months these things picked at me. I needed a way to tell you but a moment never came up. I talked to you about so much, now I rarely talk at all. It kills me but the backlashes of it all are too much. Better to keep quite than disagree with you right? I saw that it wasn't only me that thought this. I learned from my father and my best-friends mom that they see it too. Control: how many times has my dad said you control everything? Many and now I see it. You do need the control, you want it.
If we disagree with you, you say we are wrong. I told you yesterday, I miss my mom, whom I have not...
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I understand that you had me at 16 and it probably isn't what you wanted at all. I understand that you looked at it as ruining your life, but did you also have to ruin mine?
I struggle every day with not feeling love, not feeling good enough, and not feeling like I matter. You did this to me.
You made me believe all my life that I wasn't good because I wasn't my sister, "T". You always liked her better. Maybe it's because you planned her, I don't know. You made me believe I was fat when I wasn't, causing me to have multiple eating disorders.
You made me feel like no matter what I did, it was never enough to match up to "T". I got amazing grades and worked my ass off to try to make you happy and while she was barely getting D's, she was still better. You still treat me horribly. You...
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Dear dad your little girl is all grown up now just typing that makes a few years come out of my eyes, because I know how much you wanted me to stop growing. I just wanted to let you know I'm so thankful for you and I understand you so much more now. Your little girl is now an airman and I now know why you most of the time said no we couldn't have money unless we needed it, because I now understand that the bills have to get paid.
I understand how hard it is to have everything financially fall on your shoulders. I understand why you weren't at every birthday and just mom was but I know that you were behind the scenes playing a big roll in them and that you wish you were there. I know because this year will be the first year that I work on coltons birthday and the third year that I...
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