I know many of you do not understand, and some of you may still not understand after reading this, but I feel that the bonds between us, wheter it be by blood or another form of kinship, obligate me to explain what went wrong. To do that, I feel that I need to tell my story. Please, once you pass this point, read it all the way through.
Every story has a beginning, and this one starts with my birth. On October 19, 1997, I was brought into this world through the labor and pain of my mother's childbirth. My physical sex, composing of the physical aspects of genetics, anatomy, hormones, and reproduction had already been determined in the early stages of my development, with one aspect having been determined the moment I was conceived. From this moment, I was assigned the gender role...
How to cope with family
Dear new girlfriend,
I'm meeting you for the first time tomorrow. I'm sure you're just as nervous as I am. You're probably not sure if I'm going to come off as a bitch or throw my coffee in your face. I wish I could calm your nerves and tell you this will be a pleasant get to know you chat, but I can't.
Unfortunately, I'm pretty certain you will hate me after this meeting. You will feel as though I am invading your personal life and asking questions that are straight up none of my business. You would be right. But I hope that you, as a mother, will be able to see that I'm not doing this to be vengeful or mean.
I'd like to share something personal with you, perhaps he's already told you, but incase he hasn't. 13 years again I gave birth to a little girl who passed away at 12 days...
5,914
My Papa,
Your ears are long. I always think we have the same lobes, fleshy, like ripe peaches. So I must have got them from you. Your eyebrows are busy, bushy and all over the shop but I think someone trims them for you these days – they look a bit tidier. I love how God made your nose. I think it was well-sculpted. He was obviously in a good mood when he made you. I think you would kill me if I did it – but I’d love to clip those stray little hairy tufts poking out of your ears. I wouldn’t dare. It makes me smile though. And it makes me feel your vulnerability just looking at you. Your nails are a bloody mess Papa. Much like my toe nails, must have got that from you too. Is it your psoriasis or a fungal infection? I wouldn’t change for the world because I never have a problem...
14,249
My dear brother. I have always loved you and I always will. Mom and dad have always loved you and they always will. BUT we've given up.
My whole life all I wanted was to be accepted into your life but I have always been shut out. I don't know what I ever did to you that you felt the need to make me feel so unwanted but whatever it was I am sorry. I'm sorry for showing interest in you and your life. I'm sorry for supporting you in your decisions. I'm sorry for continuing to start and hold conversations with you even though I could tell you didn't want to take part in them. And I'm sorry for taking up your time.
I am sorry but not to you. I am sorry for myself. I am sorry that I spent so much time...my entire life staying awake at night trying to think of things to say to you that...
5,682
From the moment I first met you, I just knew. I knew you were something special. The way your eyes lit up when you first saw me, the way my heart skipped a few beats. Remember that feeling we talk about when you hear something and your heart drops to your stomach? When I first heard you speak, that's what happened.
I can't even remember what you said because I was so amazed by the way your eyes still twinkled in the darkness. You held the door open for Rae and I when we went to eat, went and got a high chair as if it was your responsibility. From that day you and Rae had an unbreakable bond, just like you and I have.
You picked up her binky and toy everytime she threw them just so you'd go get them, you didn't care if she was making you play fetch. I kept telling you I'll get them or...
6,128
This is hard for me, because for the longest time all that mattered was the love i had for my family, a love that i thought could withstand anything, a love that is now lost, a love that can never really come back. It hurts because I know a certain person would be disappointed in me for this, because all he really cared about was his family.
Some people made decisions, wrong decisions, decisions that are destroying what is left of this family, of what is left of her family. They don’t seem to care anymore, that they hardly see her, they don’t really ask for her anymore. He sees all of this, he knows that I cry myself to sleep every night for them, he sees that i have to always be their for them, be their mom because she has made them orphans, he sees my struggle, my waning strength, my...
3,175
Dear MD (Mommy Dearest) and Mean’a;
It has come to my attention from many, many people that you wanted to get the message out to everyone that I of 42yrs old of age, diagnosed with bipolar depression, was involved with Chocolate Baby (CB) 18yr old legal male living at your residence while I was staying there to recoup from my planned plastic surgery. I was hesitant in moving in, not only because of the warnings and all the horror stories that I’ve heard of when people come to house 666, but MD you did it to atone for what you did to me when my father died, so I used you and I stayed at your house so I could recoup, but I never forgot. MD. I grew up telling you all my secrets and confiding in you. You are cousin to my mother and I even considered you more like an aunt, but the day you...
3,172
For nearly 20 years, I have known that half of my genetic makeup has been made up from you, yet I have never met you or even seen a picture of you to know where I come from. Of course there are obvious traits I know must have come from you because no one else in my family has them-like my brown eyes for example- but I don’t actually know that much. I know I look so similar to mom that is kind of scary sometimes, but I always wonder how much I look like you, if I get some of my traits from you, and if we are anything alike. The one thing I know is that you have given me consistency, you were never there growing up, never sent me a birthday card, never tried to know me, and I never really expected you to randomly show up one day. I have always been pretty okay with it, and thought I would...
13,775
Dear Men,
I'm writing this letter because I'm scared. I'm scared of becoming a woman. I guess I should be glad that I was even let to enter this world, thanks to the kindness of my parents. But sometimes, I'd rather they'd killed me.
Because it hurts to be a girl.
There was once this time when in our English Class, we were reading an extract of a Successful Woman Engineer's Autobiography where she'd become the first woman engineer to work in the Shop floor of a reputed Industry. And our English Sir had remarked that the extract shows the greatness of the Chairman of that company for "letting" her work on the Shop Floor.
And I'm writing this verbatim.
Where's the question of Equality when you're "letting" someone have what rightfully belongs to them?
I come from a nation where men...
2,913
Dear children I didn't deserve,
I'm the worst mother in the universe. I was never there for you , I didn't cook or clean, I never played with you or took you places, i made sure you always knew how shitty I thought you were, never admiring you nor lifting you up. No compliments were passed around in our home!! I never held you, never chased away monsters and your bad dreams in the middle of the night, never cared about your feelings.
All I did was drink. There was no joy or laughter or comfort in the home I provided. I didn't volunteer at your school, or buy instruments for you to play or drive you to practices. I didn't encourage you. I just tore you down every day. I didn't punish you often enough or ever take your feelings into consideration.
I drank alcohol and I even had...
3,124