Lifestyle

I define myself as a fully gay man, I have been since I have memory and the biggest struggle of my life has been LOVE. I only recall being in love once, probably still to that man, in a more platonic-first love kind of way, but it is a nail I still carry in my heart. It all ended up in an awful kind of way, it broke my heart and and I have not recovered yet. All my next attempts at finding love have been a replacement to replace the hole that person left behind. As you can imagine it went awfully as well, they were not based on real feelings but as a painkiller to a much bigger pain. When I thought I found someone pain, doubts and trust issues emerged... I just hate it, I hate feeling this way. Is love real? Will I find love? I just want someone....
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Letter to Westlake Moms: When I was little, I used to think that adults had it all together. Everyone older than me seemed so mature, so wise, so omniscient. It took me a long time to realize how lost some are. How some parents can be so cruel to those who don’t fit their standards. The “bad eggs”, the “wild ones”, the kids to steer their children away from. It confuses me, you see, because I was labeled as one of the bad kids. I was one of the kids that people knew as a negative influence on others, as a mess no one wanted to get into. I was a kid who was practically shunned from her community, who was gossiped about by middle aged mothers stuck reliving high school. Because I was the kid with an abusive father. But I am more than my last name. And I am more than the negative,...
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A letter to a stranger who would listen Hi stranger, You’re not anyone I know. I don’t know how you look like, how your life has been, what gender you are, what types of personality you have and how you are doing presently. Asking for a little of your time to understand a stranger as me would be too much of nuisance for you perhaps. But, I believe that you had a preparation for this beforehand, am I right? If you make your way to this sentence, I think that I’m right. Have you ever wondered for reliability among human beings? Have you ever been in a relationship that you’ve sacrificed and suffered because of the mistreat of trust? Are you hurting? Are you weeping? Have you ever wished to talk to a stranger? Once? Twice? Uncountable? I have lost my way with friendships. Phew! That...
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Dear Survivors of all forms of abuse, My heart aches for the pain, none of which was your fault, you have experienced and endured. I wish I could take the agony away. I wish you were never mistreated. I have zero tolerance for what has been inflicted on you. I understand in those moments you have never felt more alone, terrified, hurt, confused, ashamed, violated, vulnerable, unloveable, less than, worthless, voiceless and powerless. You are not alone. The shame isn't yours to carry. You are worthy. You are lovable. You are courageous, stronger and more powerful than you believe. I understand how you feel your experiences have changed your inner self. I understand how you question if you will ever feel emotionally and physically safe. I see you. I hear you. I understand...
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Dear Survivors of all forms of abuse, My heart is aches for the pain, none of which was your fault, you have experienced and endured. I wish I could take the agony away. I wish you were never mistreated. I have zero tolerance for what has been inflicted on you. I understand in those moments you have never felt more alone, terrified, hurt, confused, ashamed, violated, vulnerable, unloveable, less than, worthless, voiceless and powerless. You are not alone. The shame isn't yours to carry. You are worthy. You are lovable. You are courageous, stronger and more powerful than you believe. I understand how you feel your experiences have changed your inner self. I understand how you question if you will ever feel emotionally and physically safe. I see you. I hear you. I...
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Dear Cancer, You are a horrible disgusting thing that destroys everything in your path. Whenever you get your teeth in to someone all you do is cause death and destruction. Everybody hates you and no one wants you around. How can we keep you from infecting our friends and families? It all starts with the diagnosis which always feels like a death sentence. Leaving the infected person (now called the patient) feeling alone and scared. The patient’s family rallies around them but you make them feel like no one can help them. Then comes the treatment and if you don’t kill them that will to. The patient fights with all they have trying to overcome everything you throw at it. The feel weak and tired have no appetite and only want to sleep. Then comes the chemo and they can’t...
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Life will never be easy, there are moments when the sun shines brightens upon my face and I accomplish several of the goals I set out for that day; I didn’t make a driving mistake on my way to school, completed my homework and aced a quiz or midterm, and was patient. But there are also times where I feel like there is a whole that is eating me up inside. Those days where nothing goes right, where I feel alone, and like everything up until that moment of the day, has been a failure on my behalf. Where I have failed to be there for my friends in the ways they needed me. Instead of compassion I give judgment. Instead of giving them my time I give them excuses. Instead of telling the truth or doing what is best for them, I do what is the best for them to like me. With family instead of...
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"Life has been easy; being a human being is not." Those are the words my drunk older brother told me as he was sitting on the floor in the corner of our bedroom as he contemplated suicide. We still share the same room. Though it is our home, he is not interested in sharing any of his grief with any one else in the family. I am the only exception from time to time. Sometimes it scared me, because I knew not of challenges of adulthood, nor understood how I could help. I was only fifteen and my only motivation for coming home from school was playing video games in that same bedroom--indulging in my vices that surely still creep in every now and then--the same vices that would evolve for me just as it did for Walther, my older brother. Before this, I came to realize that all he needed was...
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Dear Santa, I'm not a kid, but I decided to write you as we approach the holiday season for 2017. As a young child, the Christmas holiday season was a special time of the year to me. From the house decorations, the holiday songs, the cooking/baking of all sorts of goodies, the walnuts, the mince pie, the fruitcake, the eggnog, etc. The gathering of family & friends; friends, who oftentimes were just as close as family members. Trying to sneak a peek of presents. Over the years I saw the love, warmth & joy of the holiday season as people dropped by the house. These are memories I cherish & hold dear, especially when things seem overwhelming; like now. In 2005 I had one accident, followed by another accident in 2006. This resulted in a back injury...
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This is an issue that has been ignored for too long. It is time that the people see porn for what it really is, instead of seeing it the way porn companies and consumers see it. It has been ignored for various reasons. Some people get very uncomfortable when talking about anything related to sex. Others are afraid to offend other people. Others just don’t care, seeing no issue with porn consumption. But this letter is meant to start a discussion as well as address you: porn watchers. This letter is addressed to all men who watch porn either moderately, frequently, or obsessively, which is an extremely high amount of people. This number would include myself because I still struggle with porn use. My rate of viewing has decreased from twice a day, to once every ten days, roughly. I am...
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