Love Letters

I’m turning 47 next month. I’ve been divorced and single 12+ years. My story is complex, emotional, and lonely. Really, I’ve been single much longer. He rejected me early in our marriage, before we even said “I do”. We became pregnant while dating, and at 27, it was my first time ever to be expecting. I didn’t expect him to stick around...but truthfully I’m glad he did at least long enough for me to also have the 3rd pregnancy. The first we were blessed with a son, the second miscarried, the third a daughter. I’ve raised them alone, no regrets. Yet, I would welcome a loving man to share my life with now that my children are teenagers and thriving well. Over the years I’ve been single I chose not to attempt relationships with other men cause I desired putting my children first....
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When we first met, i was a 17 year old high school failure. I was failing everything in school and in my social life. I mean i’ve never even had a real girlfriend before. But then i met you. I remember everything about that day. Your big beautiful blue eyes, your long brown hair and your surprisingly big ears. I always that they were cute. We talked for a while i think til like 3-4 in the morning and we clicked right away. I always remember the feeling i had whenever we talked. Wether it was in person, text or facetime. At the time, i couldn’t describe it, but i loved it. Then you dropped the bombshell, that you actually live 4 hours away and it would be difficult to be a couple. We never officially began dating but we definitely liked each other. One of our first times hanging out was us...
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As we all know wedding showers can be very stressful to plan for. You want them to be as fun and entertaining for all to remember years down the road. Well if you are trying to plan a bridal shower for a friend or family member, why not be unique and let all have fun including the men. Most bridal showers I have been to were very nice, but all we did was just sit around and eat and open up gifts. So to make it more interesting a little creativity in your mind and include all. Heres an idea for that bridal shower I have for you. I came about this idea, because of one of my hubby's friends are getting married, and I needed to think of something different for the brides' shower, to tell hubby's friends fiances friend that's planning the shower. First, you want to create that bridal...
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Good morning, K. Or, well, whatever time you happen to read this. You will see a stark difference in my tone from the last letters, I guess I've found some measure of peace. Don't get me wrong, my feelings for you are still intense, and I don't see them abating for quite some time yet. But I think I've at least adjusted somewhat to not being in contact with you any more. I miss my lover, and my best friend, but I digress. Anyways, I did the math. Congratulations on being reunited! I'm genuinely happy for you. I know how much you hated being alone, and it makes me smile to know that you're happier. I didn't really want to email you again and tear open new wounds after your last message, but now I won't let myself. What's said has been said, you are the master of your own life, and I...
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Good evening, my dear. You always asked to see some of my writing, so here, I'm indulging you now. She is off with him, being completely platonic, I'm sure. I have a rare evening to myself. And since the bite of your email this morning still feels like a dagger in my heart, I have some emotion to get rid of. Today was rough, for both of us. I do hope you know how angry and regretful I am about this last turn of events. I had no idea, none of us did. My wish is that you turn out to be clean. If you aren't, I don't know what to suggest. I know what I would do in your shoes, but you aren't me, no matter our similarities. And you may not have the stomach for it. I do know the situation it puts you in. And that, above all else, is what I'm most regretful for. Were it just you and I in...
163
As I sit on my bed, listening to so many songs I just want to write to you, I know you won't see it.. But I like to think you're there Ally, I really miss you.. I go by what you said to me, that rainy date, 'Always find the light in the shadows' I know you want me to be happy, be happy on my own... But girl, really... It's so difficult.. No girl is like you, It should upset me but to be frank with you, It makes me miss you even more, but It makes more cherish the moments we've had together even more. I really think about you, like a lot.. I know it won't bring you back but thinking genuinely does bring me such comfort. I reminisce our time together, most notably our date on the beach and your friend's party... Surprisingly though, out of a lot of stuff we had in common.....
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It's been two days since I had to remove you from my phone, and a bit over a week since my first letter. I'm going to try to keep to a schedule of one letter per week, but that may not be feasible. Time will tell. There is also the delay in publication to take into account. Anyways, I am confused. Confused is not particularly the best word, but I can't seem to think of a better one. The way it happened was...murky. To explain: I picked her up from the airport. We immediately started fighting. I don't even remember what it was about, but seemingly after one sentence, boom. Full-blown argument, about what I don't know. I checked my phone at a stoplight, and my messenger app of all things was pulled up. "Oh and what did THAT b**** have to say...
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So, to recap: You and I met at your work. My friend and I had been drinking at a party, and we just really felt like eating at subway. (that, and it was the closest place to where the goings-on were. I was wearing an admittedly too-thin white T-shirt, and I caught you stealing glances at my nipples. When I called you out, that was the first time I heard you laugh, and it still is one of my favorite sounds. Fast forward a few months, and semi-flirtatious exchanges over the counter turn into a tangible friendship. I'd come in and work on my writing, and if you were on your lunch break you'd come and sit with me. Occasionally our eyes would meet and we'd laugh to ourselves. To anyone who reads this, you can probably tell that this person and mine's exchanges weren't superficial,...
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This is to say that I will always remember you. I will always love you... Even years from now, even decades... Even if we have moved on and have a family, I will always love you and remember you. To this day, I'm still comparing others to you... I remember how you looked in my arms, how you slept, and how you did little things... I hope you the best, and I hope you find the one that will love you more than I ever did and could, and also, this is to that person... Don't ever let her go... She is one of a kind... Adorkable
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This journey with you is not easy. As we continue to build something that will be meaningful, I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will always be with you. Your heart is safe with me, I will nurture and protect it. These bars do not hold my heart. You do. You've captured it, and I want you to treasure it. My love for you is pure, real and sacred. I never knew that I could care about someone the way that I feel about you. I'm drawn to you, connected to you. I would love to look into your beautiful green eyes and tell you just how lucky I am, to have you in my life. I know that I'm not the woman of your dreams, but you are definitely the man of mine. I no longer look at clocks, or other devices that tell time. I don't pay attention to it. I treasure each moment that I'm allowed...
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