Lifestyle

Hey Shawn, I hope you’re at peace, as much at peace as you can be under the circumstances. I hope you’re eating well and taking care of yourself physically. I hope you have the basic necessities — not including the one you’re more than likely substituting with a bottle of lotion and a smutty magazine — and a few faithful people you can count on. And I hope you’re finding a way to cope with being boxed in once again by the four walls of a dank and cramped little cell with a dude you may or may not like, but who is no less forcibly the first person you see when you wake up and the last person you see before you go to bed. I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out you’d been locked up again. Usually, it’s that automated voice announcing the collect call I’m about to receive...
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Dear Chairman Wheeler, I’m writing to you as a citizen who is deeply concerned about the direction the FCC may take with regards to ISPs. As both a consumer and a technology worker, I rely on the Internet not only as a source of entertainment and information, but also a way to communicate with colleagues and customers. As someone who is fighting Lyme disease, I spend most of my time at home, with the Internet as my primary means of communication and the only means by which I’m able to remain employed. In an average day, I log into my company’s virtual private network (VPN) to securely do my work over the Internet, and later in the day I may watch something on Netflix. Suffice to say, the Internet is an important part of my life. I’d like to go on record by saying that I think ISPs...
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Dear Pat, I have tried to contact you via the Royal Mail but they are under the illusion that Greendale is a fictional place – whats up with that?! You may find this letter a tad harsh but i feel i need to write to address you directly as your friends, family and colleagues seem unwilling or unable to give you any constructive feedback. Lets cut to the chase. You are crap at your job and I have absolutely no idea how you managed to blag your promotion to Head of Special Delivery Services. You consistently lose, damage and/or open parcels you have been entrusted to deliver which is both stupid and illegal. Before you protest i have listed a few examples of your incompetence that have particularly riled me. 1. You severely delay the start of Amy’s Animal Day after you open your...
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Dear Misters Harper, Ignatieff, Layton, and Duceppe, and Ms May: The Canadian Science Writers’ Association (CSWA) represents science journalists, communicators, publicists and authors—500 and growing. For almost a year now, the CSWA has pushed for changes in the government’s current communication policy to enable timely access to government scientists who have published studies and research in journals. We have documented numerous examples of instances where Canadian journalists have been denied access to government scientists doing research in areas of public interest. The problem is relatively new in Canada, although not unknown. It became critical with new rules and regulations instituted by the Harper government. The CSWA has attempted to work with high-level, senior public...
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Dear Virgin Atlantic Pilots, The very founding of Virgin Atlantic in 1984 was born out of an idea to reinvent the airline industry. To create an airline where the staff were united to offer a wonderful service to their customers. An airline with a special culture where the people working for it were treated well and where the company was responsive. It literally takes a lifetime to build that kind of culture well 27 years to be precise! And what a great airline everyone has created. The frightening thing is how quickly that culture can be lost. Therefore although I havent been involved with managing the airline for a number of years, as its founder I take a keen interest in its future, the future of its people and wish to make sure that no one makes a decision that damages or...
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Dear Giant Faceless Global Conglomerates, Hi, I’m Goob. You may remember me from such internal memos as “this loser keeps making fun of our dog perfume” and “does anyone know if we still have that hitman on retainer?” I’m here to ask that you, for the sake of my sanity, please stop announcing future freebie giveaways. Why? Because you screw them up. Here’s an idea: release a freebie then tip off a few bloggers. Seriously, it’s that easy. Hit me up. I’ll gladly put you in touch with two dozen of the biggest freebie bloggers who would love to share your offer with our combined billions of readers. ((margin of error: +/- a few billion.)) We’re all nice guys and gals who, myself excluded, ((I’m still going to mock you as long as you insist on botching these giveaways and branding your...
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Dear Representative Bachmann, Recent news reports have highlighted the work of your husband, Dr. Marcus Bachmann, President of Bachmann...
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Dear wedding photographers, I think you're swell but, as a whole, your websites suck. First of all, turn the freaking music off. Seriously. I'm probably looking at your site at work and it's hard to find the off button and I probably don't like the music you picked nor do I care since I didn't come to you for music. Don't do it — you're going to get a potential client in trouble! Secondly, it should not take 100 years for your site or gallery to load. The best way to ensure this is to NOT USE FLASH! And while we're on the subject of the gallery, how to move from one picture to another should be obvious to my grandmother and I should be able to peruse the thumbnails. I should also be able to use the keyboard or the scroller on my mouse to move through the pictures (...
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Dear Sexual Abuse Survivor, I don’t really like the word victim. Even survivor has a strange connotation. And I’m not too keen on victor. None of those words encapsulate what happened to you, the devastation sexual abuse enacted on your heart. But we’re strangled by language sometimes–even writers can’t adequately express horror. I much like the word BRAVE. Because it’s so darn brave to walk away from something like that. It’s brave to forgive. Brave to live your life in the wake of sexual trauma. Brave to hold your head high. First let me say I am sorry. I’m so terribly sad that sexual abuse is part of your story. It’s not right. Someone chose to take something from you–your volition and your body. That person (or people) violated you. They used their power and bully persuasion...
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Dear Thomas Patrick, On the occasion of your Confirmation I wish to offer the sage and time-honored advice of a saint. The Catechism of the Catholic Church, teaching on the Sacrament of Confirmation, quotes St. Ambrose, a bishop and theologian from the 4th century. His words are worthy of repeating here. My prayer for you, as your Godmother and Sponsor, would be that your reception of this important sacrament would mirror the words of St. Ambrose: Recall then that you have received the spiritual seal, the spirit of wisdom and understanding, the spirit of right judgment and courage, the spirit of knowledge and reverence, the spirit of holy fear in God’s presence. Guard what you have received. God the Father has marked you with his sign; Christ the Lord has confirmed you and...
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