The thing is she loves fiercely, harder than any person.. So don't go beating yourself up thinking you're gonna lose her, because I promise it'd take a hell of a lot. The thing you gotta understand about her is that she, despite having brothers and sisters, grew up alone.. in the big sense of things.. she grew up entertaining herself, being by herself, comforting herself.. that's why her love is so rare and beautiful she doesn't need anyone or anything else for it to exist in her every fiber. Her purpose for existence is to love and heal, to bring peace to those who have searched their entire lives for it. She isn't a rose or daisy, not even a sunflower or morning glory...she's a wild flower...hard to find & impossible to forget. She's unfortunately spent time on mediocre people places and things..she herself has just recently, over the last couple of years, realized that she's here to love and heal others.. before she was always searching to be loved & to find her own healing & quite frankly, it left her torn.. she, unlike most though, fought through her darkest days and came out of hell carrying buckets of water for everyone else who was and is still consumed by the flames...
She's rare, and I could type to you for hours...sending paragraphs and books, but her being, her love, her passion, her existence, her purpose can't be easily explained..
You might be good to her and for her, but she will always be better to and for you.
Her kind of love will change people, restore their faith in humans, completely defy every belief they have of what TRUE UNCONDITIONAL love is.. her love, loyalty, understanding, thoughtfulness, & friendship will always be the most incredible thing anyone has ever experienced as long as they can understand the only way it's made possible is for her to be her..
She's a loner, she was raised that way & time and time again the universe has shown her that without her solitude things will fail.
No human on this earth can actually be good for another human or love them correctly unless they themselves have fallen madly in love with their own existence..
She's mastered this..
Cold hearted men who were incapable of ever actually loving her, shitty friends who were incapable of matching her loyalty, even family who couldn't love unconditionally the way she does have shown her time and time again that at the end of the day it is her, and her alone, who will fiercely love her despite what is to come.
& despite how untrue that may be to you or the way you have, do, and will love her... it's her truth.. it's what she will always believe and no matter what you'll never be able to compete with that..
She has to fall off from everyone at times in order to see who, whether they like it or not, will understand it..
She won't settle, despite wanting to so badly, and she won't let you either.
Loving her will be a challenge, because if she made it easy--everyone would play their part and literally drain her.
She has very selective few whom she remains close with, like genuinely to her core, close to..
Because those select few, she gives her all to, & loves with her every being..
She will always try and take on their problems, help in any way possible, and be the one person they always know will be there...
That takes a lot from her..
Her peace doesn't come from loving or being loved..
Her peace comes from the universe, the ocean, the woods, the birds, animals, places, things...
She unintentionally will always see the most beautiful pieces of people, she isn't like most... she sees beauty in the raw real & hurt parts of people...
She can't help it. She doesn't look for it, but those pieces in everyone look for her... because not everyone can see that those are the actual real parts of people that create their beauty.. & because she can, she will always love harder than she's loved..
So, a long time ago she stopped looking, searching, and desperately needing to find the beauty in people.. but rather she started looking for it in places and things...that's where she finds her peace.. in knowing it's a beautiful world and a beautiful life & that her existence is pure and contributes to that beauty.
She has to be alone, she has to get in tune with nature and the universe and her soul..
She has to decompress in order to keep loving so purely..
That's just her.
She came to terms with the fact that most people die at 25 and aren't buried until they're 75 a long time ago, and she refuses to do the same so she will always chase whatever it is that makes her come alive, whatever it is that sets her soul on fire, whatever it is that brings her genuine, uncoached, true happiness...
She can't ever be 100% sure what that is until she gets in tune with herself.
She is a goddess.. she is an amazing human... she gives a kind of love people search their entire lives for...
So it's natural for you to be terrified of losing that, losing her.
But don't be, because as long as you love her as purely as you can and as hard as you can, she will always love you harder..
She will be quite and secluded. She will get in her manic states where everything is just too much, it's because she feels everything so deeply...it's not you. You haven't done anything wrong, she just has to reset sometimes... on her own, in her own way, without anyone or anything else as a factor.
She's been hurt & she's given love to people who desperately needed it & gotten hurt because that's who she is and why she is here... it's to give love to those who need it to show them it's real and they're worthy of it to teach them they can be loved, not for her to be loved in return & because of that it left her empty for awhile...
She's just come to terms with the fact that she is a healer, and that yes many will love her & she will be loved how she loves when she's meant to be, but that the most fierce love she'll ever receive will be from herself & she's just begun to allow herself to fully accept that and to fall madly in love with herself & absolutely no one and nothing else can leave her feeling quite as whole as she does when she embraces her solitude
The thing you really got to understand and accept is that your love for her will always be in competition with her own love for herself.
& That, my friend, is the most beautiful thing about her of all.