an open letter to the person i lost. hey, you did not lose me

Subject: an open letter to the person i lost. hey, you did not lose me
From: e
Date: 16 Sep 2021

I did not keep track of when I lost you. The day you parted ways with me, atleast romantically, was the most helpless I've been. I could not blame myself, nor blame you. I would never have the strength to blame you. And I will never. Didn't I say so? I would respect whatever choice you wanted to make. And when you said you wanted us to end, that you couldn't anymore, I stared at the ceiling for a good ten minutes trying to absorb reality because losing to me will always feel like a sharp painful bliss. To be honest with you I tried my best to forget you and ignore the pain that made itself known to me that early morning while I was fresh with salty tears, I almost feared and jokingly tried to convince myself it was poison and that if I cried more I'd die a peaceful death. But of course I didn't. I couldn't. If air was going to be the only thing that can bind us together in this life then so be it, I was glad enough to breathe it in the same vicinity as you a few stolen times. You see, the last weeks we were... stale? and could not communicate for some silly reason, I was mapping out the future I could have with you not knowing on the other end of the rope you were severing ties slowly. I have not said this before but that morning I was the most in love, it was the pinnacle and I thought you were only busy with your own matters, isn't it funny? I was also reading a tragic book then. I was already crying. And i cried the hardest cry in my life because of how helpless I felt. I mean, I lost you. I'm months late now I think, professing this open letter. You have someone now. You said you found your home. And it makes me think sometimes, was what we had real? If we had seen each other more during this trying time, would you have hold on? Could we still have been? I will never know why. We are no longer, and you only regard me as a friend now. That was cruel, telling me that. But then again, any piece of you I'd gladly take. Today as I sat here like a pitiful puppy, I still keep questioning, while you have already found your answer. Don't worry, I'll get out of here soon. I want you to know I'm doing better, slightly better. I just think of you sometimes, and shed a few tears here and there. I won't forget you, ever. I hope you're always happy, I see you achieve your dreams. We have different viewpoints given you are in that place and I am here. Wishing you all the luck. If ever you get stranded, I'll sail to you. See you around in this vast world.