My True Feelings & I'm Sorry.

Subject: My True Feelings & I'm Sorry.
From: Drew
Date: 23 May 2022

Dear Kris,

First off let me apologize if you feel like I am bothering you in any way, if I am making your family worried, or if I am simply just annoying you that is not my intention. I was very hesitant about sending you this, but I am simply just a man following my heart. This is the kind of stuff people want to say but never say it. It’s exactly how I feel about you. Nothing I can say will be to take the trust I lost from you. Nothing I can say will be able to make you forgive me, the only thing I can do is just share with you how I feel.. When I first met you, I never thought you were going to mean the world to me. Kris, when I first met you, I thought you were going to just be another person like everyone else here today and gone tomorrow. I never could have imagined that the first night we met we would have such amazing energy together. I never imagined that I wanted to see you more and more. I never thought that I would have been sitting beside you & waking up to you few days out of the week and being able to watch over you as you sleep. Talking about my dreams, and yours; slowly seeing something unbelievably big unfolding before me with every word, with every truth and it scared me because I never felt that way before but I wanted to fight my fear. When I first met you, when I first met you, Kris I never thought that we were going to end up here.. I never thought we would make it so far with so many memories, with so many inside jokes and stolen moments. I never imagined that you would carefully break down my guard, that you would make an effort that far exceeded any expectation of mine. I never thought that you were going to mean the world to me. Kris, you became more than just a face, more than just a hello and more than just a smile. Kris, you became an incredible part of my reality, an inspiration in my life. You became the person I run to when I am sad, you were the person I confide in when I need guidance and reassurance. You did something I never thought would happen, my heart was starting to feel love again. You were becoming my best friend; you became my hope. Kris you became the light in my life. The truth is, I have shared only had few connections with others in the past and they broke me. But with you, I feel complete. I have peace and inexplicable joy. It’s just I’m so used to having a big open heart but I have kept it guarded so tight. You see, I’ve been hurt before. Badly. I’ve been lied to before. A lot. I’ve been in so many situations where I was left wondering how the other person felt. I’ve been beaten by someone I have been with and relationships for me was like wandering through a dense fog, looking for the light, and seeing it in the distance but never actually reaching it until you came. Do you realize every time you sent me a message, my heart would beat fast? That a grown man would get a thousand butterflies fluttering around in his stomach. I catch myself smiling every time I thought of you. I kept telling myself I don’t want to mess this one up. I carefully select every word of my response down to the single use of an emoji or deciding to use a period and wondering if "that makes it seem like I'm mad or overdoing it." Deep down I’ve been just longing to tell you that the way that you talk kindly to people you don’t know makes me trust you, the way that you patiently handle every little thing that goes wrong makes me respect you, and the way that you excitedly hugged me when you see me makes me adore you. Or how you tell me how cute I am or when we are simply laying down together and you hug me tighter. So many little things make me just want to hang out with you all the time. I’m sorry I ignored you each time you reached out to me. I’m sorry I shut myself off from you. I’m sorry I took the easy way out instead of facing the problem and talking it out with you. I realize my mistake, and I regret being so difficult for you to deal with. I admit I acted like a coward and I went searching for something I knew I wasn’t going to find because I knew how you felt about me, I know you were busy, I know Kris I know. Honestly, having someone like in my life that cared for me the way you did just scared me a lot because the happier I got the more scared I became. I always asked to have a good woman like you in my life and when I finally got someone like you I didn’t know what to do because I was scared of being hurt again and just experiencing this pain I am dealing with as I type you this letter. I can’t express how much I regret my actions. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, yet I let my own faults stop someone from caring for me even more. I know I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry from the bottom of my heart. I shouldn’t have behaved the way I did but honestly I never got with anyone, hung out with anyone or any thought you may of thought I did. That night I just needed to get advice from my friends on how I was going to approach you about my mistake and how I was trying to figure out how to open up to you and tell you how I truly felt about you. I want you to know that I love you and will do anything for you to forgive me and allow me back into your life.
Kris, I apologize for not admitting this earlier. At the end of the day I come to you as a man admitting my mistakes. I come to you to let you know I am not perfect in any way sort or fashion, and I know you weren’t looking for perfection. I am only human and I have emotions and we all respond in our own way with how we deal with our emotions. Are they the best ways no but that’s is the great thing about us we learn and we grow. I’ve seen betrayal and hurt and sadness much deeper than I can being to comprehend. This is why I responded the way I did, I just couldn’t go through an argument with you and I just wasn’t ready to have that conversation with you. You have been on my mind every day since we first me, and you will be on my mind until the day I die. I’ve experienced what life is like without you and I don’t want to know how life will be without you. Kris just know that.. Know that I love you. I will be sweet and kind, mean and jealous, but I will love you through all of it. I’m not perfect but I will continue to work on my flaws to be a better man for you. I will always apologize, and I will always stick around. I will continue to pray that you will be able to come back into my life again. You will always mean so much to me more than you will ever know. If I never hear from you again I hope you achieve your dreams and careers. I miss you Kris from the bottom of my heart and it’s just so hard being apart.

- Drew