I dont even know how to start so I started writing randomly, whatever came to my mind. I know you will be angriest of all when I will be gone and I know that you will make multiple attempts in hopes of joining me so I want you to stop. Stop it. Do not do anything reckless or stupid. I wont force you to do anything, okay? But just read this letter once.
You came into my life in the most unexpected way. You were not only my lover but my best friend. You made everything easier. I remember, when we first time spoke on call till 3 am when I was going through my breakup. You were my support, you made me feel I was good enough and nothing was wrong with me. It was YOU who picked me up when I fell hard. You made pain look easier, you never missed a chance to make me laugh. I was so stupid to even mask all of this with BEST FRIENDS crap. Ofcourse, you were my bestfriend but no one could deny we were also more than that.
Remember? When everyone knew we were meant to be and we just kept denying because we were scared of losing each other? God! Those were some Golden days.
Choosing to be with you was the best decision I've ever made.
Who knew you would turn out to be the first ever guy who I fell in love with?
Remember? When we were kids and played in that garden? Where you would annoy me to extreme levels and run away. Or the day when you punched that mean boy who pushed me and then YOU HAD AUDICITY to kiss me and running away.
Our childhood days were the best and then one day you left. I was so heartbroken. You leaving was the start of my miserable life and look how Life works, You came back in my life again. This time not only as my best friend, but also the love of my life.
I still wonder how 3 years of us being together passed by. Despite every problem, distance and issues we stuck by each other no matter what. You loved me, for who I was. You were the first person that never ever tried to change me. You made me stop my addiction to sedatives, you held on to me even though we were miles apart when ever I had my panic attacks. Distance played a major role in our lives, it bought so many bad memories but Vik, everytime I think of the day we met after 3 years of waiting for each other it still makes me giggle.
When, you held on to me for the first time your embrace felt like coming back home.
Our first kiss felt like, finding water in dessert.
You being close bought me back to life.
Everything got better with you but then again you were away. I was fighting my demons but I was also trying to stay happy.
But I lost Vik, I lost. My demons won.
I tried so hard to not give up on life but I was so tired. I was so sad, angry , frustrated...alone.
You were far Vik, and I was alone.
I swear I tried so hard but I just...I couldn't take it anymore.
Leaving you alone like this was never my intentions. You gave me so much and at the end I became selfish. I am sorry for being weak and selfish like that. You out of all people deserve none of it.
But can you do something for me? Can you be the business man you wanted to be and become the richest man ever. For me?
You know what, I am not asking. I want you to be the man, you wanted to be.
I want you to be successful and powerful.
I want you to live your life without regrets.
Viktor, I want you to do each and everything we planned to do together.
So, when you go to Paris, visit Pont Des Arts write our names on the lock and make a wish and throw it in the river. That will be start of your new life. I want you to go to Rome and visit the Colosseum like I wanted to. When you visit Tokyo, adopt a panda Like I wanted to. When you will go to Vegas and gamble in a cassino and win ,you remember me then.
Or when you walk the streets of New Orleans during Mardi Gras, just remember one of my stupid dances.
I want you to live for me. Would you live for me?
And if by any chance you adopt a daughter like we plannef on to? Name her Cornelia.
You will miss a little less. I am not really gone Vik, I am in your heart and I am immortal there forever. No paper were ever needed or required for me to be your wife.Our bond and vows were sacred and beyond these rules the world has made.
I'll always be yohr wife, your lover, your best friend. I don't want you to die Vik,
live for me.
You were not my first love,but you indeed were my last.
I'm gonna love you always and forever Viktor Sanders.
I love you.
The girl who broke your heart and chose to be selfish.