I want

Subject: I want
Date: 4 Nov 2018

I’m honest, too patient and understanding. I’m also strong enough not to care how much I love you, I would never talk to you again if I had to.

I get bad anxiety sometimes and all I could do is cry. There’s time where I’m sad and I don’t know why it’s hard to get up from my bed and do normal things. Idk why I’m sad and it makes me feel worse so I cry myself to sleep and pray for everyone I love because I hope they never feel this way or go through what i go through. I have secrets no one knows and I don’t trust anyone enough to tell them. I know I have people who love me and they’ll understand but I just can’t. There’s times I try hard for my mind to be present but it’s somewhere else.

I lack letting go because I hold on to things that meant more to me than it did to them. I can’t be giving pieces of myself to people who are temporary because it fucks me over everytime. I lack trust bc everyone has proven me they aren’t who they say they are.

I want to be happy consistently there’s no such thing as being always happy. No one is happy 100% of the time but I’d like to have more happy days than sad days for the rest of my life. I want love from all aspects of my life I want to love what I do and be able to love someone without being afraid to. I want honesty, I don’t care for the consequences or anything I just want the truth. I want everyone to say exactly what they feel when they feel it because I’ve been quiet enough and I will no longer bite my tongue. I want someone to tell me what is and what isn’t straight up and not play these mind games.