To my forever:
Someone told me to “just get over you”. As true as it may possibly be, it hurts more to do so. I mean, how do you get over someone that’s had such an impact on your life? Someone that you e shared so much with? Someone that you love with every being in you?
It’s been over a year that I discovered another woman enjoying your love for even longer than I knew of. She enjoyed you playing father to her kids while watching you walk away from yours. She enjoyed the pain on my face when discovering you and her.
I know that we both made mistakes and God knows how sorry I am. God knows I spend every day telling Him I’m sorry and asking Him to whisper it to you each time. How did we go wrong so fast.
Do you wonder why I can’t heal? Because I see you when I see my daughters. I see them when I see you. I never understood how you could be with someone else while I grieved the death of our daughter. Your favorite girl. She loved you like no other and she was so proud of you. So every time, I think of her I think of you. I stare at the pictures of you to and wonder how I could lose you both so quickly. How could my life turn so quickly.
I used to say I made my mistakes because of your behaviors. But reality is that I am a very wise woman that should have known better. I should have known to let time be. I should have known that God would work it out and He didn’t need my help. I should have kept my mouth shut because I embarrassed us and our family.
But I’ll never get the chance to make things right with us. Every morning I say I love you. Every night I say I’m sorry. And when you cross my mind during the day, I pray for His special angels to cover you. Many want me to move on. Many say they want me happy. And that there’s someone out there to make me happy. Well it’s you and only you. So no, I won’t move on. I’ll wait. Patiently. For my forever love. And if you don’t come back, just know I’ve died with you entwined in my heart and soul.
My love for you will never allow for me to force peace in the arms of another. I refuse to smile for another. I’ll let wait strong and patient. My forever and always is true and pure. I refuse to change.
And until our time again, always and forever