Dear Times of India,
There are times when one should keep quiet. If most of the online world is lambasting you, even if you think you're right it wouldn't hurt to introspect a little and wonder why people are reacting the way they are. Your response to Deepika Padukone's fuming tweet and post on Facebook against your article on her, or more specifically on her breasts, is both shocking and unexpected.
You could have chosen to apologise. Or you could have chosen to keep quiet. But by doing neither and by misunderstanding the issue entirely, you've only dug yourself deeper into a hole.
You've started your article in Bombay Times ('Dear Deepika, our point of view,' Sept. 21) saying, "As one of the largest media houses in the world with interests in print, TV, radio and online, we...
Lifestyle
Dear Me When I Used to Have Seven Cats,
I know you didn't mean for this to happen. The cats were incremental.
First, the two kittens you actually meant to adopt. Then a year later, the tiny female kitten you found yowling in the alley on the coldest day of the year, the one you loved the most.
Two years after that, three kittens from the pregnant barn cat you fostered, which put you at six. And not long before you moved into your house, the alley cat showed up at your apartment.
You didn't want another cat, but he sheltered on your back porch from time to time, exhausted and dirty. It was a safe spot and his sleep was so deep. He'd start awake when you walked out the door on your way to work, purring audibly, and clenching his paws in pleasure when you stroked him. He wasn'...
2,251
Dear President McConnell,
First, please accept my condolences on the loss of your friend and former colleague, Rev. Clementa Pinckney, as well as our mutual colleague, College of Charleston librarian Cynthia Hurd.
Their deaths, and the deaths of Rev. Sharonda Singleton, Myra Thompson, Tywanza Sanders, Ethel Lee Lance, Rev. Daniel L. Simmons Sr., Rev. DePayne Middleton-Doctor, and Susie Jackson at the hands of a white supremacist terrorist are a tragedy that we can hardly imagine. These people were giants in our community, and we feel the collective pain of their absence, but I also know the loss is particularly personal to you.
I am writing to you because you are the leader of my college and one of the most influential people in the state of South Carolina.
I am asking you to...
2,410
Dear Parents
It's me, Rachel.
We haven't formally met. I am not a licensed medical or psychological professional. I'm only a writer – a profession that requires little in the way of legitimate qualifications. Still, I hope you'll hear me out.
I've heard that your daughters – young women in their late teens and early 20s – have of late been considering the idea that they might be of the constitution and comportment to have some adventures. Maybe your daughter is a new high school graduate or in the middle of her college years or just graduated from some ivy-covered university where she spent hours poring over literature and philosophy and debating gender performance.
Your daughter is educated and free-spirited and full of wonder, thanks in large part to the opportunities you...
2,128
Dear Parents,
You should be proud. You should be excited. This weekend, your child/children will be competing in the Capitol Clash Super Youth Circuit (SYC), a tournament that had over 1,500 competitors last year! The Capitol Clash is an amazing tournament for many reasons. For one, it's a joy to go into a room full of hundreds of enthusiastic fencers, see them jubilantly competing, and realize that these kids are the future of fencing. Chances are, one or two of the competitors in this event will be our future Olympians and ambassadors of the sport.
The Clash is also a tournament that seems to awaken growth in fencers and foster those moments where fencers just "click" and understand what their coach/es have been showing them. And most importantly, the kids have fun!
In the last...
2,444
Dear Kunos Simulazioni,
There is no doubt that what you have managed to achieve over the lifetime of Assetto Corsa, from its early access period to its current state (v1.1), has been incredibly impressive, especially considering the relative size of your development team (approximately 15 people, we believe).
From the humble beginnings of a single track, and a couple of sports cars, Assetto Corsa has become one of the highest selling racing games on steam, and deservedly so, thanks to intelligent investment, ultra-high quality (and popular) content, unparalleled driving physics, and a vast expanse of modding capability. Assetto Corsa easily has the most potential to be something truly great out of all the current simulators on the market today.
However, despite all of these...
2,790
Dear Italian Car Manufacturers,
I admit I might be slightly biased. The first car I ever "drove" was a 1987 Porsche 944, the first car I ever really loved was my 2006 VW Jetta, and the airplanes my dad was always impressed with were always very Deutsche-centric. You could forgive me then for not realizing why it's such a tragedy that Italian cars have all but disappeared from American roads in the past couple of decades.
This realization hit me when I was sitting behind a heavily-modified Fiat Abarth. The twin titanium exhaust connected to that little four banger provided a burbling soundtrack to my missives about the disappearance of Italian cars in the U.S. market. What happened? I wondered as the Fiat in front of me let out a growl and shot off into traffic. What could make us...
2,295
Dear Council Members,
It was just three years ago that CD11 Councilmember Bill Rosendahl famously stood before his fellow council members and declared that “The culture of the car is going to end now!”
True to his word, the City of Los Angeles has made remarkable progress in the last 24 months, rapidly expanding rail lines, moving forward on the long-promised Subway to the Sea — or Brentwood, anyway — and most improbably, being named a bronze level Bicycle Friendly Community.
Although pedestrians seem to be lost in the process, as the city continues to remove crosswalks as it builds others.
But now the city is threatening to backslide into the same old car-focused past that has repeatedly driven the many communities that make up our city into decline over the last half-dozen...
5,281
Dear Geico,
Throughout the years, we here at CRACKED have all been big supporters of your innovative advertising campaigns. Yes, the celebrity endorsements for real people ones were kind of tiresome, but at least Mini-me got a job out of it; life always seems so hard for him. And while the whole Geico/Gecko thing can only be pushed so far, you certainly made up for it with your Tiny House spot, easily one of the funniest commercials on TV since that guy ate a spicy meatball.
A fellow blogger has already discussed the Cavemen debacle, but hey, a commercial funny enough to be made into a shitty sitcom is still pretty good compared to most car insurance ads, which tend to feature poorly-animated superheroes, men in cowboy hats, or way too many taglines: Now would be a good time to have...
2,180
Dear Jay Leno,
First off, my intention is not to fight you on this. You have more cars than I have dollars, and so I know I don't stand a chance legally, and on top of that, I don't really understand how legal stuff works. But the truth is you kind of fucked up my shit and I need to talk to you about it.
In 2007 my good friend Travis Irvine was running for mayor of his home town, Bexley, Ohio. He asked for help making him a funny campaign commercial. So together, me and my pal Travis composed, performed and recorded an original campaign jingle onto my four-track (we did, not you). Then, I directed and shot a silly music video for that song featuring Travis strolling about his town, looking patriotic, friendly and mayoral. Remember that video?
I think you might, because in 2009...
3,162