An open letter to the women, who didn't even give me the chance.
I hope your well, truly, I hold no hate, or anger against you, people tell me it's "their loss"... But is it really? You had nothing to lose, nor did I... But it feels like a loss. Maybe I'm just a sappy pathetic, hopeless romantic.... Why even try anymore? Why put myself through my hope being crushed, for when I know what awaits me.... Nothing, loneliness.
One of the truest, yet falsely things said in today's' world is, "you can't love another without loving yourself".. "You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy" while all that is true, it's also false... What are you to do when you miss the companionship of a female? I miss the passion, I miss the trips, the sight seeing, the special moments, I miss the cuddling, rubbing her feet after a long day while listening to what's on her mind, just trying anything you can to help make her feel better, the hugging, the reassurance when everything is going wrong, and your world is upside down.. You can still turn to one thing you know true, and that is her.... I miss the moments leading up to a first date, where your nerves are on high, but you do your best to remain calm, and collected, saying all the right things without overstepping a boundary, making it obvious that you're interested, but not attached. A date with a girl that you can just talk to, but more importantly, listen to... I had the best first date of my life, we walked around the city and just talked for 3 hours.. Then I walked her back to her car, Only to never see, or talk to her again in my life. That's was over 14 months ago...
I know the interesting and unique things about myself, I know my stories, I know my hopes, dreams, wants, and fears. Am I just supposed to hold hands with myself, look myself in the eyes? Take myself on dates, compliment myself. It all sounds kinda schizophrenic.
I know in this day an age, I could easily go to a bar, eye up a girl, and get some temporary satisfaction... And to each their own. But I love myself for holding those things true to myself, maybe I'm not cool, maybe I don't have the respect of other men, because of this. On separate occasions, I've probably appeared less masculine, because I didn't take home the drunk girl, who clearly was interested in me. But my choices have nothing to do with masculinity. My choices were made out of respect, not only for myself, or the girl that was only thinking while under the influence, but also, out of respect for the past decisions I've made, that "causal sex" has only lead to the other person getting hurt, when I didn't want anything more. And at risk of sounding.... Arrogant? I believe myself to good, to just give myself away. And maybe, my problem is, that I'm not good enough.
Chivalry isn't dead, most people choose not to see it. There are men in this world that believe sex isn't the first date, or the second or the third. There are men who believe in not only making her feel beautiful everyday, but making her know it's the truth, and more importantly, making her believe in herself that her beauty radiates, from the inside out. Making her believe that any man in the past, that hurt her in anyway, is not me, that he threw away a winning lottery ticket, without cashing in on the jackpot, that any other woman becomes nothing more than faceless, in a sea full of them, the only face visible is hers, illuminating your way to salvation, like a lighthouse does for the ship lost in an open, dark ocean.
I've experienced this once before, separate paths lead us to each other, to a path, where we walked with one another, but the fork in the road came upon us, and our paths would disconnect... And to the one who gave me the chance, I thank you.. And from the deepest part of my heart, know that I am truly happy, that the path you took, lead you to cross the path of another, for you to walk on no longer by yourself.
Does anyone care? Does she care? Why should I? Why approach a women, when the end result more than likely, is inevitable? Any women who reads this, may think "this is the perfect guy" I'm far from perfect, but I try to be the best man I can, everyday of my life. I won't name myself anonymous, I also won't use my birth name. I'm simply a guy in his twenties, whining/bitching about my failures, in regards to a very first world problem. I'm blessed, I'm blessed to be alive, I am blessed I wasn't born in a place where I'm starved, no shoes on my feet, where I'm not concerned if I wake tomorrow. Anyone can take credit for writing this, but I know the truth of as who wrote it, I know as I sit here and type this into a note on my IPhone, at 12:03 P.M. On November, 17th, 2015. I let my my mind free, without the judgment of others. Salvation in itself.