An Open Letter to my Greatest Love (JTB, PNPSAF)

Subject: An Open Letter to my Greatest Love (JTB, PNPSAF)
Date: 9 Aug 2018

Dear John,

I never thought that this day would come. This day where I wanted everything to stop – my love for you, my hopes of us being together again. It pains me to do this, but staying and holding on would kill me. I never wanted for us to end this way, galit sa isa’t isa. But there’s no other way to do this, kasi sinubukan na natin lahat. We tried to end it in a nice way, yung in good terms tayo, but we failed kasi heto parin tayo. Maybe this time magwork na.

Galit ako sayo, oo. Galit na galit. You made me feel like trash. Alam ko naman e, alam ko lahat ng kalokohan na ginagawa mo, pero ni minsan hindi nabawasan ang pagmamahal na meron ako para sayo. But I can only take so much. You always tell me, iba ako sa ibang babae mo kasi ako, mahal mo. Pero hindi ko alam kung alin ba ang paniniwalaan ko, is it you words or your actions. And I’m tired being blinded by my love for you. I’m tired being hurt and mad kasi wala naman akong magagawa. Wala akong magawa para baguhin yung sitwasyon. I risked everything for you. That’s how much I love you. But you chose to hurt me by sleeping with different girls. You disgust me. And you made me disgust myself.

I wrote this kasi hindi ko kayang sabihin ang lahat ng ‘to sayo. I rehearsed all this in my mind the night before tayo magkita. Pero nung nagkita tayo, I couldn’t say a word. I couldn’t tell everything I wanted to say. I couldn’t tell you how much you are hurting me. I couldn’t tell you to stop doing what you’re doing so that I can stay. I know you loved me, I know that. I felt it. And somehow maybe all of this was my fault; maybe it was me who led us here. Pero pinanindigan ko yung galit ko sayo para makaya kong lumayo. And I did. After giving you back that ring you gave me 8 years ago and some hateful exchange of look and words, I left.

I love you, but it’s time to finally let you go which I should have done a long time ago. I hope and I pray to never look back again. I know it will never be easy because there’s just no easy way to say goodbye to someone you love so much.

Goodbye, my greatest love.

I hope you find someone who’ll finally be enough for you.

I also hope to never hear anything from and about you again. But if one day I do, I wish that it wouldn’t affect me anymore.

You can see that there’s still bitterness in every word of this letter, that’s right. I’m bitter, but this will pass.

I’ll be okay. I will be healed. I will move on. And I will forget you.