I miss you, but you don't miss me. You don't call, you don't text, you don't reach out. You and I chose to lead separate lives but for what? What good came out of our decision? I wonder what my life would be like right now if we hadn't cut ties, if you would have just reached out. I miss you daddy. I miss you when I'm sad and I don't have your shoulder to cry on. I miss you when I'm happy and I can't tell you the good news. I miss you when I'm depressed because I know you could fix it. Also I'm sorry.
I'm sorry it had to be this way. I'm sorry that you things didn't work out and you felt the need to move on. I'm sorry that growing up other things occupied your time and you couldn't see us. I'm sorry that we weren't good enough for you. I'm sorry that I moved away. I'm sorry that I had to make choices that you didn't agree with. I'm sorry you may never get to meet your future son-in-law. I'm sorry you may never meet your grandchildren. Are you sorry? Are you sorry for the choices you made? Are you sorry other things occupied your time, instead of being a father? Are you sorry that you made us feel as though we weren't good enough?
I still love you daddy. In your absence, I turned into the person I've always wanted to be. You made me strong. You made me brave. You made me confident. You made me smart. In your absence my mother took on your role for a while. She was my shoulder to cry on, she was my go to person, she was my rock when the depression was almost too hard to handle. You made her strong. You made her brave. You gave her a chance at a good life. She taught me love, she taught me forgiveness. Because you freed her, I have the ability to still love you. I am strong enough to forgive you.
Daddy, I wish you could be here. I wish you could see my life. I wish you could see how happy I am. I wish you could see my scar from surgery. I wish you could see my house, my car, my horse, my dogs. I wish you could see how much I rejoice in our God. I wish you could meet my boyfriend. I wish you could meet your grandson, my newphew. I wish you could see your granddaughters grow. I wish you could be a part of my academic career. I wish you could see me battling my demons everyday. I wish you could see how strong you made me. I wish you were here.
Thank you, daddy. Thank you for letting me blossom. Thank you for all you did for me growing up. Others around me say it wasn't much but as a child I thought you were the best thing that ever happened to me. Thank you making me feel like your daughter for a short while. Thank you for all the gifts and support I was given. The time I spent with you was priceless, and memorable. Thank you for letting me call you daddy. Thank you for allowing me to look at you as my daddy growing up. Thank you for being a good father to my brothers. Thank you for giving them the life they deserve. Thank you for allowing other relationships to grow in place of ours. My life is filled with joy, and happiness. Thank you.
I just want you to know that I am okay. My Father is my God. My step-dad took care of me for you. My grandpa took care of me for you. My sister, your other daughter, took care of me for you. My grandma took care of me for you. My mother took care of me for you. God gave them the strength to raise me when you couldn't, when you wouldn't. God assured that I would be okay and he will assure you will be okay too, if you let him. Daddy, please let him. Let him save you.
I hope one day I can be your daughter again and you can be my father. Until then, I will continue to live from what I was taught in your presence and in your absence. I hope one day you will realize all you missed out on being a father to me.
Love, your daughter