Open Letter the the man who left me a sexual assault survivor

Subject: Open Letter the the man who left me a sexual assault survivor
From: The women who didn't get to make that choice
Date: 26 Sep 2019

I could've never possibly prepared myself for the life-long horrors and pains that you would inflict on me. All from a decision another man thought was his. There are two types of men in this world you just happen to categorize yourself with the 'wolves'. Taking what you what, when you want, and how you want. I wasn't your first victim was I? No, I knew that answer because I could tell you had experience. You knew exactly what you were doing, and how to do it. Many people like to see this one thing as a tragic event but, they never see the aftermath of what it's like living with it. Unless they've been through it. We all have the same question though. Did you get the satisfaction. Did you get the same experience we did? Can you still feel the way you put your body on top of me? Did you feel the way I couldn't breathe or catch my breath afterwards? Do you still hear all the words I called out trying to figure out which ones would get you to stop? No..., you don't. But every time I close my eyes I can still feel your weight on top of me, and I still can't breathe. Every time I have a conversation I still feel the words that come out of my mouth but hear them the same way they did that night. Every sleep, nap, conversation you are there. Do people question you the way they question me? Do they believe you? Cause they didn't believe me. They made me question myself, they made me feel like I should've kept it a secret. They wonder why I didn't tell anyone sooner. But still seem so quick as to pick sides. Usually the wrong side. They have no idea though. Because they don't have to wake up unable to move and have to relive their most experience all over again. They don't have to flinch at every word, or every drop of the book. They didn't ever have to experience what I did. Yet, it didn't happen in the eyes of an outsider.