I was already hesitant about online dating, and didn’t really want to do it, but a girlfriend and her fiancée convinced me that it could be a good thing. (They are an online success story).
It all started one night on my couch, I was flipping through some potential matches, and there you were. Your profile was funny, and I obviously found you attractive, so I swiped right. BOOM! We matched.
After some good conversation that made us both laugh, and a little getting to know each other, I felt comfortable enough to give you my number. We exchanged a few texts, and cute gifs, and you asked me out on a date. I said yes, but for some reason I was hesitant about it, I showed up anyway.
You were nothing short of a gentleman, and there was no point in our date where I was hoping for a fake emergency call, just so I could leave and say I went. I even left my beer unattended with you. We split the bill, because I didn’t want you to pay for all of it, and you walked me to my car. I half expected/wanted you to lean in for a kiss, but you didn’t.
However, you asked me out for a second date, even though I was unsure of how I felt, I still said yes.
Our communication became almost non existent, so I had figured you moved on, and that we would chalk it up to the fact that we had a great time, and that was that.
Well, I was wrong. I received a cute message from you late one night making sure I didn’t forget about you. At that point I had figured I was just a blip on your radar, and you had forgotten about me, but you replied back with “how could I?” It was there that you had me.
That started a whole new chapter of whatever relationship we had. You had become a part of my (almost) daily life, but the idea of you still made me unsure. I took my girlfriends advice and still pursued you anyway, because, why not?
The more frequently I heard from you, the more I wanted to see you again, which in turn made me beyond excited for our now planned second date. I couldn’t help but smile every time your name popped up on my phone. I was smitten.
The week leading up to it, I was so excited I couldn’t stop smiling. I had everything planned out, down to the last detail of what I was wearing and how I did my hair. We agreed for you to pick me up at my house that night, and when you showed up early, I think I rushed just so I could spend a little more time with you. Instead of making you wait for 8 o’clock.
On our date, you let me win at most of the games, as I knew you would. We had some great banter, and an overall good time. I made a point to pull away when you tried to kiss me just because I wanted the chase. You also knew that I wasn’t going to make the first move. Then you did after dinner, it was intoxicating, and I didn’t want to stop. But of course, we weren’t in an appropriate place for some PDA.
When you left my house that evening, I couldn’t wait to see you again... I say this again, I was smitten.
Needless to say as I sit here in this cozy bar a few weeks later, writing an open letter to a guy who I mean nothing to, the build up and excitement was too good to be true. I came to the conclusion that you just wanted to hook up, and I convinced myself to get over you.
I thought that was the end until an enlightening conversation with a guy friend of mine... He told me about this girl he dated who projected her past experiences on to him, and how that made him feel, ultimately dooming that relationship. This got me thinking, maybe that’s exactly what I did with you. Maybe I was looking for you to replace a void that I needed to fill, maybe I’ve done that with my previous relationships. For that, I owe you an apology.
However, you weren’t completely honest with me. There were certain large pieces of information that you had left out. I’m not sure if those were on purpose, or if you didn’t mean to. But regardless, how did you “think you told me you were married?!” Obviously this caused me to act the way I did. I realize with this, I gave you my power, and now I would like it back. I succumbed to the idea of you and wanted nothing more than to be yours. You played me, and you won. Do you even think about me anymore?
You have left such an impression on me that I have spent hours, and days going over our “relationship” thinking about how I could have done things differently, hoping that maybe one day fate might bring us together again. Which I know better, and will never happen, because in the grand scheme of things, I am just some girl you met online, a blip on your radar, who means nothing to you.
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