I have so much I want to say to all 3 of you, but can never find the words. I hope as each of you come of age you will get the chance to read this letter. I always tried to be a good Mom, and do everything my parents didn't, I realise now I took it too far.
To my eldest, beautiful daughter, I wont name you, you know who you are. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I leant on you when you should have been leaning on me. I never meant to make you feel like you were the Mom. I always wanted us to have a close relationship, and I realise now I was wrong. I tried too hard to be your friend and forgot to be your Mother. I'm so sorry I put my pain onto you, and I hope you can forgive me.
My gorgeous Son, I'm sorry I found your behaviour so hard, I realise now you were only seeking my attention. I know your sister had most of my attention, but please know I've never ever stopped loving you just as much as your big sister, and you, yourself are such a unique, amazing, clever, loving boy. You're charm has always made me proud, and I'm sorry if I didn't say it enough. I love you son.
And to my baby girl, I'm sorry my alcohol addiction took away your Mommy. I'm sorry if you ever felt I didn't have the time to watch you grow. But, I did see the amazing, funny little lady you're growing into. Your smile could thaw a heart of ice. Your singing is beautiful. I am so proud to be your Mom.
To all 3 of you, from the bottom of my heart I'm sorry. My addiction caused you 3 so much heartache and I should have been better, tried harder, and told you I loved you all more often. As you grow I will always be there to help guide you, and please don't ever think I ever stopped loving you because I didn't. I love you 3 more than life itself and I would gladly give my life to save yours.
I love you