To the man who broke my heart

Subject: To the man who broke my heart
From: Your Fiance
Date: 15 Mar 2020

Four years ago we met on an online dating website. I suppose that should have gave me an indication eventually you'd use online dating again.

Four years ago we met and I instnalty fell in love. I always thought you were too good for me, that you were way out of my league and I couldn't possibly deserve you.

I got pregnant with our first pretty early on, which is scary in a new relationship. We had a lot of trials and tribulations and being so young I was still trying to learn how to be a good girlfriend to you. I made some mistakes and put my parents first over you more than anyone ever should. Once I realized what was happening I tried correcting my mistakes and worked hard to earn your love

Once we worked past this together we of course still had our arguments as every couple does. A few years later we were expecting our second child.

Before I knew it, you proposed to me in the most romantic way and even though you weren't the most affectionate person, rarely saying I love you, or offering me kisses, I knew the proposal was a big deal and I was so happy to be spending my life with you.

Not soon after we were pregnant again, with our third baby. I had health issues previously in the year resulting in a thyroidectomy which made it hard for you to understand and deal with what was happening to me.

Then fast forward to 5 months pregnant, we were finally being able to have people watch the kids so we could go on dates, we were making plans on buying a house together and getting married until I found it.

I found your profile on an online dating website because you forgot to clear your browser or to use incognito mode.

There it was. Staring me in the face. Those affections you never gave me you were feeling offering other women whose pictures included a lot of nudes and yours included pictures of your nudes.

Those messages haunt me daily, how stunningly beautiful these women are, hot Damn beautiful, asking to meet up to go hiking, to get to know these women more because they are so sexy and beautiful.

You haven't called me beautiful in years. I have had to beg for any affection and often get rejected when I do. To see how free you were with these compliments and affections I had been so desperate for made the betrayal all the worse.

When I confronted you, you said this wasnt cheating. That it's not like you had sex with any of them. But we had previously had the conversation of what I thought was cheating. I had made it crystal clear, this, this is exactly what I find as cheating. Sending naked pictures, chatting up other women on an online dating website is cheating.

You tried to justify it by saying I hurt you worse and I emotionally cheated on you with my parents in our relationship or that I always made you feel bad about yourself but none of that is true. Every day of our relationship I tell you how proud I am of you for all the good and all the positive changes you have made. I always told you how much I love you and would never do anything to jeopardize our lives together, you can't say the same.

As much as you want to cheapen my hurt. This is my worst fear realized. That you don't think I'm good enough for you. That being 5 months pregnant with your third child or being engaged meant nothing.

It will be a long time if I could even ever forgive you. I wish I didn't love you so deeply because this pain wouldn't hurt so much to my core.

I will always miss the man who didn't break my heart.