Dear Dr. Walters,
Imagine if you were vulnerable and the NHS slapped one of the two 'get rid of the vulnerable' labels on you. 'Psychosomatic' or 'Personality Disorder', without looking at what was really wrong.
Imagine if, instead of you having your back operation the other year, you were left in pain and coldly called 'Psychosomatic'? You have the fortune of not being poor or vulnerable, so it wouldn't happen.
My spine was broken, Dr. Walters, and that is not psychosomatic, it shows on an x-ray. Would you like to refute the x-rays?
You and Dr. Trowell chewed me up and forced me out of your surgery and out of the NHS for your surgery's failings on top of an adult lifetime of NHS failings and misrecording, and presumably also because of a massive miscarriage of justice in 'multi-agency' illegal information sharing that was influenced by my abusers and the police who acted with and for them.
I remain without access to NHS treatment and profoundly traumatised. Most vulnerable people would commit suicide from being vilified even by the NHS, but I went on to get assessment and diagnosis of my pain and illness and difficulty in walking even as my abusers continued, unchecked, to destroy and nearly kill me over and over after Bob collapsed defending me against them while you and Trowell vilified me and forced me out of the surgery.
I remember that other doctor, Henderson? scornfully saying that my reflexes were fine and thus nothing was wrong, that is typical and expected of the NHS, that is how they treat the vulnerable, and while I am glad that my nerves are fine, until or unless the broken bones shift and catch the spinal cord, I knew something was wrong, I don't like attention and was not attention seeking, if something is wrong and I am told that it isn't, or that it is all in my head, that is psychologically harmful to me, and unfortunately the NHS routinely do this to the vulnerable.
Barry, who is on the same autism spectrum as me, was told he was psychosomatic, it is an easy way to fob the vulnerable off and leave them silenced and hurt. Saves the failing NHS time, we are of no worth and have no voice to complaint. When Barry had a bad fall after being fobbed off, they found the shadow on his brain.
Pam, my dearest late friend, had falls, was having memory problems, and started having increasing fits. She hated me using the word 'fit' she said 'seizure' and couldn't spell it properly. She was a quiet and shy woman, but strong, and she was horrified to be snapped at by a doctor a lot like you, and told she was psychosomatic. She and her husband, both mild people, fought the NHS, and again, they found a shadow on her brain, the NHS grudgingly found the shadow after she fell downstairs.
My other late friend, died two years ago, was fobbed off and snapped at by Sandown Health Centre, left hurt, and shared her hurt with me, and was of course, dying by the time she was taken seriously. She was also gentle, none of these people speak up as I do. I guess it saves them being branded and thrown away, but it means they are treated badly.
When the nasty nurse practitioner, Hill, was bullying me and trying to force me out of the surgery when Bob collapsed and my blood pressure was dangerous and Trowell chose that time to destroy me and throw me away, I heard her and the other nurse rubbishing another vulnerable patient on your behalf, without confidentiality seeming to matter at all. How awful.
My brain is, undoubtedly shadow free in that sense of the word, although, skull and brain damage are very possible, the trauma and psychological damage (not on NHS records except to brand me) is so severe, so compounded, by the NHS adding to it and adding to it instead of helping me, that I probably will have a stroke if not a heart attack, and it will be a relief. Living in a country where the monster monopoly NHS health services damn me and won't help me, is not a life worth living.
But I am not psychosomatic, my lower spine is broken but stable and I am lucky to have gone on being able to work. Last year my back started to go suddenly and acutely, leaving me temporarily incapacitated.
Having no access to the NHS, but using an online doctor service, I got a physio referral for a local clinic - my workmates had both been incapacitated with sciatica and one had ended up in hospital, I didn't want the same to happen to me, I am limited in what work I can do because of my disabilities, and I was determined to prevent being incapacitated.
My new physio was, and is, very good. He was intrigued by the online doctor service and asked how to register, his wife was unhappy that she could never get a GP appointment in a reasonable length of time. The physio said that the injury looked like a facet joint and ligament weakness, possibly connected to the muttered 'Hypermobility Disorder' that the NHS may or may not have registered before you threw me away.
The hypermobility disorder is quite real, not all in my knee, which may be the only bit diagnosed as having it, haha. The hypermobility is what was causing joint aches and problems some years back when the NHS failed to complete an assessment of the problem and undoubtedly wrote 'psychosomatic/malingerer' on record before telling me to get lost.
Thankfully it is almost a beneficial condition, which gives me an excellent range of movement despite a lifetime of injuries and heavy work. Probably another reason the NHS decided I was being psychosomatic, I can move all my back and limbs extremely well. I have a broken spine and I am overweight but I can touch my toes.
And by the way, don't brand people as obese, it is an insult, look at why they are obese, and help them. Slimming world is for silly ladies, and they don't know anything about trauma or fears related to food and meals in childhood.
In passing I mentioned my neck to the physio, knowing he couldn't mend it but maybe could advise, the agony and management that is part of daily life. He had a look and said there was soft tissue damage associated with an accident/injury, but because it went untreated, not a lot could be done. This led me to be curious about bone damage, because something obviously is wrong enough for the pain to make me vomit and unsteady and sick in bed when I don't stay aware and do management of the neck.
This is the illness that you think is psychosomatic.
Indistinguishable from the neck problems is the injured shoulder - the one the NHS told me to take painkillers for and go back to work, leaving me incapacitated and nearly unemployed for two years until a private clinic repaired it on a budget plan. I thought the trapezius muscle was pulling my neck and causing the pain. The muscle has wasted in the injured shoulder, but the problem isn't just the trapezius.
You will be delighted to hear that as well as not being psychosomatic, it isn't my neck that is broken (It's my lower spine). But it is bent at an unnatural angle, severely so, and that is putting pressure on muscles, nerves and especially the facet joints, which show up as distressed. MY NECK IS PROBABLY TREATABLE! HALLELUJAH! And the X-Rays are the final word.
Unfortunately, the same as all the private treatment I have had to seek all my adult life, this won't go on NHS records, the NHS inaccurate records become more of a danger to me in an emergency all the time.
In 2014, you should have done a proper assessment of why I was sick and why I was having trouble walking and standing, you shouldn't have left me to do it all slowly through private treatment, even the wealthy aren't expected to, and I live in grinding poverty, I can barely eat and keep a roof over my head, but I know health is worth fighting for.
Psychosomatic my neck. You silly doctor, you and Trowell seem to spend your time undermining patients and making it out to be all in their heads, he has an automated speech about googling problems, but I think if I didn't research and seek help I would be incapacitated or dead by now, with the NHS in the way of proper healthcare, and probably many vulnerable people do die because of stupidity, cruelty and lack of time from NHS professionals.
X-Rays aren't psychosomatic.
You and your surgery should have looked after me properly, not destroyed and blamed me for your failures, and you need training in trauma focussed care, your silly practice manager making my distress out to be paranoia and not your surgery's problem has scarred me for life. while you failed to help me with pain and illness caused by my spine, I continued to learn to manage it myself, and as a result am rarely off sick, I know when to wear a collar and what to do about the pain - without strong or constant painkillers.
What happens to the vulnerable who don't fight like this or who are fed drugs that they shouldn't need and which harm them? A lot of money could be saved and society could be better off if the NHS looked after the vulnerable better.
But it is my lower back that broke, and has probably been broken for some time, pushing the spine out of place, hence the walking problems and the stagger when I stand and difficulty standing? I was shocked to see the X-rays. You don't expect a broken back, no. I am lucky that the broken bones are staying stable, especially considering my work and the fact that my back may have been broken decades ago.
Now, without NHS help, I have had the x-rays and assessment done, and without NHS help, I can't yet afford the treatment.
Two types of treatment have been recommended to bring my spine back into place , very carefully, and encourage healing. I know at least one is upheld by NICE and is used by the NHS, but I have no access to the NHS because of the unresolved horrific inaccurate records and resulting horrendous mistreatment of me by Sandown Health Centre, and your culture of blame that leads to your practice manager treating me as if my anger and distress at your failures is paranoia during that horrific press and media onslaught that caused attacks by strangers and Bob's collapse.
Especially failure of me in a severe and life-threatening crisis. If I had died in 2015, Sandown Health Centre would be liable, whether or not the ineffectual and broken accountability and complaints system ever held them liable.
For the moment, I know about my back, having arranged assessment myself. But you left me to suffer, told me it wasn't real, added to the physical injuries with psychological ones. I want treatment before degeneration becomes a real problem, but you and Trowell and Hermans have ensured I have no access to the NHS, with a bit of help from your friends at the local death-trap hospital and the most horrendous farce of NHS records that cover up for a catalogue of failures, and a failed and ineffectual accountability system.
And I can't afford treatment. Can you imagine being in this situation instead of getting the treatment you did for your back? Can you imagine what happens to the voiceless vulnerable when they are fobbed off while you get the treatment you need? Can you imagine the catastrophic damage that inaccurate records do to a person when they have no rights regarding these inaccurate records and no access to justice and a way to put things right?
I am pleased to say that the fact that I do heavy physical work has probably helped my muscles and made both the spine problems and the hypermobility disorder less problematic, and I have no intention of giving up work or changing anything, although the traumatic stress disrupts my work, health and sleep almost more than the physical disorders.
I seem to remember you being keen on me going to the gym and exercising, and one of the reasons I was concerned was that I needed to know what was wrong with me first. Now I do, and I know not to do crunches, sit-ups, push ups and squats, anything that can cause the bones to slip and catch the spinal cord.
My treatment is on the list of things for the future, along with psychological help. I can barely keep a roof over my head at the moment. I spoke to an online doctor honestly about my problems, and she did a psychiatric referral, even though I knew I couldn't afford treatment. I spoke to the kind and helpful Dr. Bowers, who said I needed psychological help, not psychiatric, and put me in touch with the local psychologists, but I can't afford to see a psychologist at the moment.
I recall that your surgery had no interest in getting me help or referrals and I know that the local nutcase services are a joke, even if I agreed to go under the local nutcase services and be insulted as nuts. But what I appreciated about the whole process was that the doctor did not try to ram dangerous drugs down my throat like the NHS did in the past when the NHS left me so ill and branded me for it, the doctor accepted my dangerous reaction to antidepressants, which the NHS have only recorded by branding me. There is hope for me and for medical services, when the NHS collapses and takes it's records with it.
On a final note. Why did you have time to badger me for smear tests and flu jabs and not look after me? The only flu jab I have ever had was that one that you gave to me because you wanted to and not because I asked. Flu is a constant and real danger in the winter, always has been, and it used to be worse when facilities weren't as good as they are and when it used to snow. Flu has always been serious, killed thousands. But now flu is being used. By the NHS among others.
The click-words 'Swine Flu' and the rest of them, don't exist, flu is flu, it doesn't need to be a scare, and it doesn't need to be a scare to force people to have flu jabs. Mass scares are very dangerous.
I have a much more pressing worry each winter. I get severe and lasting chest infections, especially living in the slums, and this winter it nearly went pneumonia, again. On NHS records? No. The winter that you gave me the flu jab was one of the worst chest infections. You were off sick with your
psychosomatic back. I learned that winter that saline helps. And I learned this winter that Sudafed every day and take that risk, stopped it from becoming pneumonia. Sudafed from the pharmacy cleans out the fluid.
My immune system is awesome, so good that it attacks itself a little bit. So I will never worry about flu or jabs. Flu is an illness, you treat it and bounce back. NHS need to get other priorities and not scare people. The stomach illness from the death trap hospital a year ago was more serious than flu, but I had nowhere to turn except the pharmacy, who were admittedly very good.
As for smear tests, what reaction do you expect from someone who has been sexually abused, if you harass them constantly for a smear test and don't look after them in other ways? How awful, relentless harassment by the NHS to have my genitals exposed and interfered with, and ignoring my verbal and written requests for that to stop. I am vulnerable and I was really distressed. You know how you kind of forced the flu jab on me, no choice? I was afraid you would do that with the smear test as well.
One of the great things about being violently expelled from the NHS by you and Dr Trowell and that Hill creature is that that the sexual harassment has been forced to a halt. If I get cancer, I will die naturally and without the terrible interferences of smear tests or the horrible things my friend Anne had to go through as she died of cancer despite the smear tests. If I get cancer, currently I will have no access to treatment, just as I won't if I break any more bones - there are probably other broken bones anyway, it was that kind of childhood.
It is better to be pre/post-NHS and have better quality of life. It will be better for everyone even though many are grimly and mistakenly trying to keep the NHS, under the illusion that it is free and it is good. It is neither.
Remember and never forget. Psychosomatic is a word that means you are putting the vulnerable at risk, in danger, leaving them in pain, condemning them. Psychosomatic conditions are probably very rare, deferred pain and mimicked symptoms are much more likely. Oh, before I forget, constant problems with septic tonsils was another source of NHS scorn, and now I know how to clean the pus out every few days and wash the tonsils with TCP while I wait to afford the tonsillectomy, along with brain scans and psychological help.
The other branding, only used for the poor and vulnerable, you would be sued if you inflicted it on anyone else, is 'Personality Disorder'. That branding which discredits me and others for life means that the NHS discredit someone the same as calling them psychosomatic and can't be bothered to look at background, trauma and psychological damage, and as you know, the NHS didn't in my case, fed me drugs that affected me physically and mentally, branded me, and the report I sent to you was done privately by a psychologist who I paid to help me. The NHS had been made aware many times in my adult life that I had been abused and was being abused, branding me and failing to record trauma or put a stop to the abuse, indeed even aiding the abusers, is a horrific failing.
You and Trowell and your surgery failed and branded me and threw me away, but your negligence and my suffering remain, and I am still waiting for you to resolve it. Please restore my access to NHS help without vilification, ie no-one has any right to force themselves into a consultation illegally and vilify me. What you did to me is horrific and will affect me for life, I still wake up sobbing.
I have a broken spine and a damaged neck. I had to live with your branding until I got private assessment, and that is terrible, and NHS records still brand me. How many more have to live like this, especially in a poor and grotty place like Sandown? I do live in Sandown by the way, but don't bother to send anyone round unless they want to hear the full range of profanities and a formal complaint.
I know the NHS doesn't allow time for compassion and patience, but you work for them, it is your responsibility to resolve that.
By the way, I don't use inhalers, and it doesn't make any difference, I decided that because the asthma was the one condition you condoned and were enthusiastic about, it doesn't exist, it is psychosomatic and a result of being obese and having a broken spine and a nose that I can't breathe through.
Unfortunately the NHS never looked into it, so when my esophogus was bleeding as a result of prolonged NHS negligence combined with the utter stupidity of giving me naproxen without the counterbalance when I had gastric symptoms, the clinician tried to put a tube down my nose and really really hurt me cos there's no hole. But at least the locum doctor who asked in horror why I had been left with a bleeding esophogus, saved my life, and I coughed blood clots when they got the tube down. By the way, my esophogus is raw now, and I can't afford my private prescription of omeprazole, any chance you can send some round?
Think about it, and not in terms of me being nuts, what nutcase could write like this?
Don't destroy any more vulnerable people. What you have done to me will affect me for life and I pray earnestly for the collapse of the NHS and a better future thus for us voiceless vulnerable.
By the way, if you know of any other vulnerable disabled gardeners who have no access to NHS and got a negligent half polio jab from the NHS and an out of date tetanus jab, travel clinics offer tetanus and polio jabs at affordable prices and are very kind. I am now vaccinated for the next 10 years, but it isn't on NHS records.
My complaint against you and Sandown Health Centre still stands and has not been addressed, and I remain without access to NHS treatment until it is addressed.
Let me be clear, this isn't about me wanting revenge or anyone struck off or disciplined, this is about the horrifying ongoing NHS failures in my case. It is also a serious safeguarding matter.