This will be my last letter to you. DB
I would tell you anything and everything if you ever asked. If you wanted to know something, I'd tell you. Because I've chosen to trust you and I've chosen to fancy you. Even though, now that I really think about it, I barely even know you. With that privilege though, you've also gained the ability to hurt me. I wish I knew what I was to you, if anything. I wish I could just ask you and talk to you about how you make me feel. I've given you access to affect the emotions inside me because somehow...I've gotten so very attached. I know better. I know it's wrong. Perhaps that is why I feel as though I can't just ask you ...because I know what your answer would be. It would be the logical and obvious answer... I'm nothing important. Because you already have something important.
And who knows what that would mean if you ever admitted to having feelings for me. We know what that would mean.
I wish you would just start treating me like that then. Like nothing important. I don't want to be confused...because you are so very confusing. I don't understand you at all and it frustrates me because you are at times all I can think about even though I KNOW it's no good. But I can't help myself.... and I hate that. I hate that I've allowed myself to get so caught up in you. Don't play games with me. Be upfront with me. I want direct.
If I have the ability to affect your emotions as well, then I'd say I'm important to you or I'm at least something. And you'd better figure out what that means. Start acting appropriately. I know it has to be obvious to you that I have an attraction, so why play in to it?... Because it's just an attraction and nothing more. Well, for me this attraction grows and grows the more we interact in person and just knowing that ... it's hard to keep it just a fantasy.
I don't want to play games anymore. I don't want the lighthearted flirting anymore. Because I'll always yearn for more and you'll always have the ability to hurt me. I don't like feeling hurt. I don't like feeling confused. I don't like realizing "our" situation. I don't like knowing better. I don't like knowing we both may like each other and push the line flirting because we want to feel this attraction but also the fact that we both know better... let's just...not.
Lets not affect each other anymore.
