An Honest Open Letter to My Ex-Boyfriend

Subject: An Honest Open Letter to My Ex-Boyfriend
From: S.L.
Date: 26 Mar 2018

The first time I met you, I thought you were the weirdest person I'd ever met. Your jokes were stupid and sometimes borderline offensive and the few times I'd spoken to you in a group voice chat you had been high as a kite. I didn't think much of you. I played a cover of a parody and everyone had seemed to enjoy it, especially you. But we never really talked in private.
Then one day you messaged me after I'd basically gone AWOL for two weeks. We talked for a bit and then basically dropped it and never really talked much. I think that's when I start to develop a minor crush on you.
Noone had ever done something like that to me before. We barely talked but still, you thought of me. And you cared about me. And then you did it again a few weeks later after I'd been sectioned.

A few months prior to meeting you I had just gotten out of a toxic relationship. I was still vulnerable and hurt by it. I hadn't been planning on getting into something new anytime soon, especially not with a man. But every time I saw your name in the group chat my heart would skip a beat.

There was another guy in our group that I spoke a lot to. I had somehow convinced myself that he had been the one I was crushing on. I told two of our friends that and that eventually led to him finding out. I still haven't told him the truth. In fact, the only two in the group who knew about us was our mutual friend and her boyfriend.

When we started talking for real was when I realised that I liked you. You weren't really that weird anymore. Your jokes were still dumb but they made me laugh. You made me laugh a lot. We started following each other and I added you to a group chat with my friends. I hadn't told them much about you prior to adding you. Then my friend sent me a private message.

"Do you like him?"
"The guy you added, do you like him?"

I was so conflicted. Do I tell her? Do I not? I figured telling her and asking her to ask you was an easy way of finding out how you felt about me. It would be less awkward than me trying to tell you and then making our friendship all weird.
Then that was exactly what happened. And when she sent back that screenshot I swear my heart stopped for a second.