Every Single Day

Subject: Every Single Day
From: The One Who Writes To Keep Her Sanity
Date: 5 May 2019

I still love you and it really sucks. I don’t want to love you because you are a self-centered, lying narcissist. You hurt me so badly. But, see, I can’t remember the bad part clearly. I only remember the good. I have to force myself to remember that you moved on with her immediately after me, if not before. I have to remember you screaming at me right before it ended and saying you disliked everything about me. Only, I remember the times that you held me in your arms and made me feel safe. The way that we texted all day long and our cute little nicknames. I remember going to so many events with you and feeling like you were my best friend. I feel like you are my soulmate. But I have to remember that you haven’t said a word to me since the day I hung up the phone. Not one single word. That, my ex, is not love. It could not have been true love then. I was trapped in an illusion. The ego destroys everything in it’s path and we both have become trapped in it. I compare everyone to you and I wish I would stop. But that part of me that felt loved by that part of you still wants you back. Every single day. My heart never stops breaking and I didn’t know there was enough left of it to shatter. I can never be broken, I'm strong, but I suppose I'll just go on fighting without a heart if it doesn't heal. I do try to let you go. I really do. Every single day.