Entertainment

Dear Mr. Cooper, Seventeen months have passed since you featured me on your AC 360° program on consecutive evenings to call attention to my commentary and analysis of the December 14, 2012 Sandy Hook Elementary School massacre in Newtown, Connecticut. As you may recall, in the prelude to those January 11th and 14th 2013 broadcasts you sent a production crew to my place of employment that proceeded to pursue staff and administrators on my whereabouts. Your staff then repeatedly telephoned my residence, later filming in front of my home and disclosing my address to a national audience without my knowledge or consent. This behavior jeopardized my family’s safety and peace of mind, and included a flurry of threatening and abusive communications directed at me. Further, some observers...
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Dear SBS, The most recent news that broke out is that you've been taking down Running Man fansubs done by kshownow.net, one of the leading subbers for most of the Korean variety shows around. This is, frankly, terrifying for an international fan like me because for the past year, kshownow has been my go-to place in order to get my weekly fix of Running Man. To not be able to watch my favoritest variety show in the world would definitely leave me...distraught. The thing is, a large number of the international fanbase for Running Man regularly go to kshownow every Monday for their Running Man fix. kshownow has been one of the fastest and most efficient subbers for Running Man every single week, and for a lot of the international fans, this is something akin to watching a weekly...
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Dear Zayn, I'm writing this letter in response to the news that you left One Direction, well not so much that, but rather the reasons you gave for leaving. You said "I want to be a normal 22-year-old and relax", reading this got my goat a bit and I thought "it just goes to show how little you know of the average 22-year-olds life". For starters, this isn't the stage in anyone's life to be resting! The majority of us at 22 are either fresh out of university and trying to figure out our lives or already slaving away in a poorly payed job we don't like. This is something that we usually have to do without a security blanket of millions of pounds and a mansion to sleep in. Instead we have to enter the job market however and wherever we can, then work our way up from the crap to...
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Dear Deepika, Ever since I heard about your coming out of the closet, so to speak, about your struggle with depression, I have wanted to write. I have swung between many personal and political issues concerning mental health since listening to you. I had to remove your celebrity image in my head and look at you as a human being in order to write this. I've self-harmed as a child and continued through adulthood. Often, I have bouts of severe depression where I feel I'm choking for days or weeks, and then, as if with a flip of a coin, I spring up to a high and prance about like the world is mine before I hit a different nerve and drift way into a fantasy land of zombies, ghost and what not. I have my version of depression but that is not what my label is. The one I carry-...
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Dear Mr. Lorre, I am a huge fan of "The Big Bang Theory." Will we ever meet Leonard's father and if so, would you consider casting Eugene Levy? He would be perfect. Also, I would love to see John Goodman as Sheldon's mother's beau.
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Dear Keith Olbermann, As a sports fan who is paid to cover TV news media, I need you. More importantly, sports fans need you. Your half-hour daily show is easily the best thing on the ESPN family of networks for passionate, educated sports fans. It’s refreshing to hear poignant commentary from a sports savant without having to sit through a group of talking heads essentially screaming over each other. Your takes are polarizing, controversial and must-see television for any true fan of sports media. Please don’t screw this up. Please, Keith. I’m begging you. But I’m also scared. A four-day suspension isn’t a huge deal in the grand scheme of things, but I’m afraid another lapse in judgment could result in a permanent vacation. The sports world simply cannot afford for you to...
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Dear sir or madam, I realize your job is not an easy one. You've been asked to take the pictures of the couples who have recently been married, and somehow enhance their looks. I understand that these couples, having sent in their pictures to your section to celebrate their marital union, would appreciate any enhancement that you might be able to provide. And I understand that the computer technology of the day allows you to work wonders. These tools allow a skilled professional to alter photos imperceptibly — to hide blemishes, improve dimensions, make the chubby thinner and the freckled less so. These are powerful tools. That said, I have to wonder why the couples in your photos look as if they've been eating powdered donuts while gazing into an atomic explosion. You know what...
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Dear Playboy poster, I pity you, Playboy poster. How very sad to be imprisoned in that expensive picture frame and hung upon the wall in Tom’s office, right beside the door, so that when the door stands open (as it always does), you cannot be seen. Of course you were shocking, initially. The first time I saw you, I had entered Tom’s office to steal quarters out of his desk drawer. I shut the door, so as not to be observed in my thievery by Annette, the “payroll specialist,” and there you were, Playboy poster, right there on the dirty wall in all your pornographic glory, smirking sulkily from under a pane of smudged glass, your hair all wet and sexylike; you holding some fluorescent-pink dice over your pointy nipples. I’m sorry I never mentioned that I thought you were beautiful....
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Dear Jeepers Creepers II, I see that a thin layer of dust is gathering on you. And that the blue on your blue-and-white protective case is turning greenish from the ceiling lights. Your laminated cover is curling up. No, Jeepers Creepers II, life just isn’t the fun-bag of buttered popcorn and dramatic tension it once was, back when you were the fifth-highest rental at the store that week last June. Now, I admire your quiet way and stoic demeanor, I do. But don’t think I haven’t seen the way you just sit there, blankly facing that window across the room. I recognize the symbolism in that. You feel suffocated, and restless. Truth is, your every manner reeks of metaphor, Jeepers Creepers II. And I can interpret you, just like I could all the others. It’s a gift I have. Listen up,...
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Dear TV Snobs, TV was invented because we were tired of talking to each other and needed something else to do. You, though, keep trying to have intellectual discussions about politics and the arts while we’re watching Dancing with the Stars. Despite your oddity, we’ve tried not to make fun of you. We learned how wrong it is to judge people by watching special episodes of Family Ties and The Brady Bunch. You, however, insist on thinking you’re better than us. You complain about how hard it is for you to find intellectual stimulation in a world that gives Flavor Flav his own show, but in fact you derive a certain smug self-satisfaction from it. Over the years we’ve tried to make you happy. We gave you PBS. We televised golf. Cable TV was invented so that entire channels could be...
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