Dear Mr. Chipman,
I'm sure you and business partner David Thomson didn't have this in mind amid your May 2011 purchase of the Atlanta Thrashers; a relocation which saw the team trade in their Georgian zip code for a Manitoban postal code. Yet here we are, a year and a half removed, midway through our third month of hockey depravity, without even a remote chance that the NHL lockout will be settled before the calendar slips into 2013, if at all.
A man of your financial perspicacity must have had an inkling that a work stoppage was possible heading into the summer. There must have been a shred of trepidation, given the haste shown by the NHL in sweeping these lame-duck Thrashers under the rug and eradicating the Atlanta Spirit group – said to be hemorrhaging money – from the league's...
Lifestyle
Dear Taylor Momsen,
It’s Sarah Walker. You don’t know me, so let me just tell you something about myself.
Let’s see, off the top of my head, I dislike pants. So much. I would rather not wear pants than really just about anything. They are constrictive. Give me a short or a tight any day. Hell, even thigh highs.
What’s that you say? You too? Cool!
What else ... my hair’s not as long as yours, but it’s getting there. And whenever I go to the hairdresser’s they’re all like, “You should trim your hair more otherwise it’ll get unhealthy and Dear God look at all of your split ends” and I’m all like “BACK OFF! You’re not my MOM! OR my dentist who tries to similarly shame me, flossing-wise.”
Don’t you HATE IT when grownups just are all up in your BUSINESS??? Me too. I’m totes...
2,505
Dear passenger 15A,
You do not know me but I was seated in front of you during the flight from Singapore to Sydney on April 12.
What I had initially thought to be a routine flight turned out to be a once in a lifetime experience — and it was all because of you.
I am writing this letter to thank you personally.
Being the thrifty Asian that I am, I did not pay extra for a seat next to the emergency exit.
Though it offered more legroom, I couldn’t be bothered to read the special safety procedures. The last thing I would want is to compromise the lives of all the innocent passengers because I do not know how to open the airplane door.
Despite my common economy seat, you offered me a full back massage by repeatedly kicking the back of chair. To date, I have yet to regain full...
2,407
Dear Colin Cowherd,
In a three-minute segment on your Monday episode of The Herd you managed to take aim at your employer, the video game community and everyone involved in producing the Heroes of the Dorm tournament, which was broadcast on ESPN2 over the past weekend. Rather than fight your antipathy with anger, I challenge you. I challenge you to give competitive video games a chance.
I ask this of you because I enjoy The Herd, but your closed minded approach to competitive video games is out of character. You can either embrace change or be the “get off my lawn” guy you often refer to. Professionals in this industry who have little interest in considering change or looking toward the future lack value. I don’t want to see ESPN leave you in the past if the unlikely day comes...
2,201
Dear SM Entertainment,
This is Gil from Seoulbeats. No, this isn’t a breakup letter, I never loved you in the first place. Rather this is a letter of request, a plea if you will.
Now your company head, Lee Soo Man has been seen as the money-sucking Lucifer incarnate the disliked corporate (ex) CEO, but even I cannot deny the success of SM. Though your musical compositions lately have been lacking lately, you still put out good work.
Remember Amber and Henry? Just as a refresher, Amber is from f(x) and Henry Lau is from Super Junior M, you know just in case you forgot about them – because they have been AWOL.
When you guys allow your acts to have a little bit of freedom, magical things occur. As cracktastic as “Oppa Has Risen” was, I thought it was a fun video and I liked it –...
2,678
Dear Mayor-Elect Duggan,
I am writing today to propose that I join your administration in the critical area of culture and entertainment policy. Specifically, I want to be Detroit’s first musical ambassador and help Detroit reclaim its rightful status as a global music capital.
In 2011, after over 15 years of working as a writer, entrepreneur, and scholar in Detroit’s music industry, I founded an organization called the Detroit Sound Conservancy in order to preserve what music producer Don Was has called “the indigenous music of Detroit.” My goal is to bring my extensive experience in the music industry, including two informative and trailblazing years at the DSC, to the City of Detroit, and forge the policy leadership required in the Mayor’s office in the city’s most important...
2,579
Dear LA Parking Violations Bureau
Yesterday morning I was ticketed after misreading a 10-ft totem pole of parking signs that Steven Hawking couldn't decode, let alone a hungover blonde.
That night I got another ticket because I didn't notice they had spontaneously painted half my block red for no apparent reason apart from ruining my life.
I now spend more a year on parking tickets than I do on healthcare. ObamaParkingCare, please. I would definitely start budgeting in parking tickets, if I was the sort of person who budgeted. Day and night I live in a state of constant panic that my car is about to be ticketed. Unlike some cities, you even give people trivial parking tickets on Sundays reinforcing my theory that you are satanic devil worshipers.
All this would be manageable...
2,739
Dear Black Entertainment Television,
First let me say how excited I am to have received your “Cease and Desist” letter. It is the first letter of this nature that I have ever received, and as such it legitimizes me.
What your letter says is that someone thinks that this bullshit is read by enough people (it is not), and that it matters (it doesn’t). Someone thinks that I have violated their rights! Success! A “Cease and Desist” letter is like a blog’s Bar Mitzvah. Now videogum.com is a man.com. It would have been nicer if I could have received the letter right before Mother’s Day, to fill our brunch with pride, but a Father’s Day miracle isn’t bad. Anyway, thank you for that.
Now, I’m no lawyer, but I’ve watched every iteration of Law...
2,041
Dear Mr. Bezos,
As a Millennial, I'm no stranger to the idea that professional success can come at a price. My peers and I have heard time and again that startup life is miserable, finance is an unrelenting grind, and tech is the place where fun goes to die. Heck, we even understand that some people take pride in their ability to neglect their personal life and health in order to work longer hours and do better (or at least more) work for their company.
So was I totally shocked when The New York Times reported that Amazon (which you run) can be an exceptionally grueling place to work? Not exactly.
To those of us who live in Silicon Valley – the ones who live and breathe a "work until your fingers bleed and then keep going" lifestyle – the revelation that Amazon is an intensely...
5,100