OPEN LETTER - Voicing some truths on why & how women teachers get away with sexually abusing teenage boys. #boyslivesmatter
Our nightmare started November 2014 when many who knew, but refused to believe, turned a blind eye. November 2015, a video surfaced & the evil brought about by a 44yr old, married teacher with two teenage sons could no longer be ignored. The disturbing video of the teacher & her minor male victim, was the first of many shocking discoveries involving this female teacher & a large number of her underage, male students.
The sexting, sending/requesting sexually explicit photos/videos & inappropriate interactions initiated by the teacher, revealed the vast number of boys who had been lured in by the calculated tactics of a serial sex offender.
NOT YOUR MARY KAY:
It was & still is apparent, (like many similar cases these days), our teacher is no Mary Kay Letourneau. Our teacher is an adult woman with an exclusive obsession & sexual fascination with adolescent boys. If not caught & held accountable, she has & will re-offend. She casts "her nets" far & wide. Her moral obligations to honor her marriage, her children, her family, her profession, her colleagues, her students, their families & the law were not enough to prevent her from feeding her criminal desires.
HE SPEAKS? HE SPEAKS!:
Silence to a sex offender is like water to a vine. With it, it thrives. Without it, it dies.
One of the minor male victims of sexual assault in our case, decided his former teacher could no longer have his silence. So, when the media gave him a voice, he spoke & it was powerful.
It takes a lot of courage for a young boy to speak publicly about his feelings & experiences after being sexually violated by a female teacher. The reaction, the comments, the support, the protection, the justice & public perception from adults & peers are not the same as with minor girls. This is why many of the other victims in this case are not coming forward.
The adolescent boy who recently spoke publicly is not the only one feeling the detrimental effects of the sexual abuse brought on by the teacher. There are many other minor male victims in this case that we may never hear from. However, his brave efforts to come forward are setting an inspirational example & sending a supportive message to the other boys in our community, who are stifled in the same fears & suffering in silence.
We hope, by our collaborative efforts, to bring awareness to this growing crime & a changed perception to our community regarding woman predators. Through study, data collection & collaborations with experts in adolescent trauma, we are lending our hand in changing the "double standard" seen in the initial reporting by minor male victims, the investigation process and the charging/sentencing of the adult female. Through our #boyslivesmatter movement, we are pushing for gender equality & calling all entities of authority to prove #allkidsmatter. We believe the more evidence of support that is seen through action of school districts, the police, the media & legal systems, the more male victims come forward & their female offenders are stopped. While we pursue our mission, those boys in silence need to know we are standing in the gap & fighting for them. When they are ready, we are here to hear their truths, support their healing. Until then, our focus is to bring correction to any & all public misconceptions regarding the sexual abuse of underage boys by trusted, adult females.
•••••2 MAJOR MISCONCEPTIONS•••••
1. YOU'RE A BIG BOY. YOU OUTSIZE & OUT MUSCLE HER. YOU COULD'VE SAID NO.
"I WAS AFRAID OF HER, DUDE! IF I REJECTED HER IN ANY WAY, SHE WENT CRAZY. IF I TOLD THE SCHOOL, SHE SWORE SHE WOULD KILL ME & KILL HERSELF."
What the public needs to know is these boys aren't afraid of a woman "physically." They are afraid of her "crazy." This is about women who desire a certain age group. It's about luring their targets with sweetness, getting a hook in & turning cold in rejection. They get what they want by force & groomed silence through coercion, threats & mental/emotional manipulation. The tactics used by these women are calculated & fear is intended as an objective to their main goal. The thing is, long after the predator has accomplished her mission & moved on to the next target, the fear, guilt & shame left in the victim will multiply in his silence. Can you imagine hiding this for years & years & how this, if not expressed & addressed, will effect all their relationships in the future?
2. HOW IS THIS ABUSE? EVERY BOY HAS A "HOT FOR TEACHER" FANTASY. KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT & ENJOY!
"THIS WASN'T MY FANTASY. IT WAS HERS. SHE MADE IT MY REALITY & THAT'S A WHOLE OTHER BALLGAME."
The "Hot for Teacher" fantasy. Ok. I get it. As a boy is becoming aware of his sexuality, everything is alluring & new. Attention from a beautiful girl or woman is naturally exciting for boys. By nature, males are visually stimulated & their bodies & minds respond, but in adolescence they are still in the midst of physical, emotional, mental & sexual development. Teens (girls & boys) may look physically developed these days, but it misrepresents what lies underneath. Studies show, interrupting normal development with adverse sexual experiences will have detrimental effects on male & female teens in the future.
The adolescent imagination is active & fantasies are normal. However, at this age they do not fully understand the ramifications when fantasies become realities. Along with the sexual experience, these women are luring these boys into adult territory with adult issues & problems they are ill-equipped to handle, emotionally & mentally.
In most cases where female teachers sexually abuse male minors, the women are married & have children. A grown man wouldn't want the emotional drama that comes with being "the other man" & risk hurting their innocent children by breaking up a marriage. This "fantasy" doesn't take into consideration the reality that is too much for anyone to handle.
Boys fantasize about endless cash flow & fast cars too, but any adult in their right mind would not give a minor keys to a Ferrari & full access to their bank account? Physically, they can drive & know the basics of spending money, but what they want & what they are equipped to handle are two different things. This is why there are laws in place to protect the well being & normal development of teenagers who are unaware of the things adults should know can harm them.
FANTASY? THE REALITY:
Bottom line, using a developing boy to fulfill an adult woman's perverse desires is criminal & detrimental to his future relationships as a man, husband & father. People say, "What if this was your daughter? Would you still give high-fives for a fantasy fulfilled?" Those are good questions to ask, but I also ask, "What if this woman was your wife having sex with teenagers? What if this was your mom sending nudes & sexually explicit videos to all the boys you go to school with everyday? Would you still think the fantasy was innocent & normal?" Trust me, the husband & kids sure aren't blaming the minor boys. In addition to damaging these innocent male victims, can you imagine how her depraved needs & lack of control have hurt her innocent family? In no way shape or form should this perceived "fantasy" becoming a "detrimental reality" be applauded or trivialized.
We're believing, through community support & awareness, the needs & protection for minor boys will be held in as high regard as minor girls. These boys need school districts, law enforcement, legal systems, county judges, global media & communities to stand up & make a difference by insisting upon & sending adult women who sexually assault minor males a "zero tolerance" message.
Wrong is wrong.
Do the crime, do the time.
Support breaks silence & heals wounds.
Proving #boyslivesmatter proves #allkidsmatter.
Although, this story & madness has rocked the world of many families since it became public in November 2015, we rejoice in the huge miracles we've witnessed & in the many heroes we've met along the way!
•Much love & many blessings to the brave teen victim who spoke to NBC LA (words can't express how proud he's made our community, other victims & his peers).
At a high cost, he's been called to a great purpose.
•Much thanks to the family featured in our local news story & the tenacity they've displayed in showing love & seeking justice for their son. Just wait until you hear from his dad!
•We are beyond grateful for the reporter who truly cares about "making a difference" & not just "making a story." Tony Shin proves he honors his profession with great integrity & his dedication to true journalism is unmatched. #ourspotlight
•Amazed by the kids who witnessed the crimes & who weren't afraid to "speak up." You took risks & we thank you for your bravery! This is what we teach & their heroic efforts in saving their friends & helping their school administration/local law enforcement stop a predator should be recognized & celebrated!
•Shout out to the students at our High School who have shown unwavering support & dedication to the victims & witnesses through all of this craziness. Things would be much harder on them without all of you. We couldn't be more proud! We have a great student body with amazing parents! Thank you!
TO THE PUBLIC & PUBLIC OFFICIALS:
We need you! Please join us in supporting the minor male victims of adult women predators. When we go beyond prayers & add action by sharing the powerful truths, we stop evil & wrongdoing in its tracks. We save lives. Our actions will change mind-sets, bring equality in sentencing, stop abusers & heal the abused.
"Thank you" to all who are following our story & being moved to move!