We can have all the support in the world and still feel like we can’t do it. We’re told to believe in ourselves, think positive, don’t give up. What if we tried all that and we feel as though maybe we aren’t ever meant to succeed? When you have a sister that is passionate about her work and has had her life planned out since she was nine and you have a brother who has his eyes set on Stanford…it’s kind of hard to be considered a success when you haven’t accomplished anything as their older sibling. Everyone deserves to have a good life, everyone one has the ability to use their talents for good, and everyone can make a difference in the world if they so desire. Something that not all people can control though is how to stop feeling a specific way. It can take days, weeks, months, maybe even years for someone to admit that something may be wrong or feel out of place. Feeling like you are failing at the one thing you are good at can be a breaking point. Constantly feeling like you have to live up to this expectation that was created for you is sometimes hard to live by. Feeling like you have to prove every day why you deserve to be here is exhausting. Expecting to know more just because you’re in a higher position than someone else can be draining. Feeling like your feelings are less important because someone is talking about how much harder their day was can feel degrading. I love what I do but why is it bringing me unhappiness? Why am I always tired? Why must it take me twice as long to get to work just because I don’t take the freeway? Why must I feel like I’m being punished? Why am I here? For what exactly? To always be that supportive friend, sibling, daughter, coworker? I want to feel like I’m more than that. I want to be seen, heard, appreciated, loved. The feeling of being under a dark cloud is not something I chose, I can’t explain how or why it happened, all I can say is that it’s taking over my life as if my soul is withering away. I will admit that I’m not as happy as everyone thinks I am. Do I still love my job? Yes, but it feels different. It feels like everyone has their life together, except me. There is one thing I want that I know I can’t have, at least for now, that I know will make me happy. I sometimes wish I could get a glimpse of the future to see how things end up, but I would rather see how I got there rather than skipping over everything. I wish I didn’t feel the way that I feel. As if I am being forgotten. Everyone is out there living their best life and then there’s me. I have yet to figure out my purpose here.
An Open Letter To My Friends & Family
Subject: An Open Letter To My Friends & Family
From: A Voice Wanting To Be Heard
Date: 13 Sep 2019