Letter to my mom hoping one day I can tell her about my sexual assault

Subject: Letter to my mom hoping one day I can tell her about my sexual assault
Date: 8 Dec 2015

To my loving mother who I don't want to worry,

I have had this on my mind for a while. I have this secret that I used to be afraid to tell. I've since told two people and it's almost a relief and a weight off my shoulder. It's almost as if telling someone and hearing them say it's okay is a healing factor for me. Mom, I know you worry about me. I know that you sometimes think I'm not always the best student and I know that you worry about my grades. I also know how you worry about my stress. This semester was one of the roughest of all. Not only was a afraid because you were sick but I have more to my story which I never told you. I denied it and never let myself believe it at first. But eventually, you'll find a trigger. My trigger was when I was with Nick, the guy that I have a thing for(the guy that you jokingly call Eric because you thing you're funny), and he said something that... Well it hit me the wrong way I guess you could say. It was a complete joke but to me the minute he said this certain line, it turned really terrifying. This was the first time I admitted this situation to myself as well as the first time I've admitted it to another person. Soon after I began going to the counseling center. I mean the stress and the every other feeling I felt was bottles in me long enough and it started coming out in meltdown after meltdown. Sami and Tera (two women who worked at the college I attend) saw this in me everyday. And I'm thankful for what they did for me without even knowing they've done anything. They helped me just by hugging me and having talks with me. But eventually, Tera suggested counsellor and that's when I went. My first day...it came out. I now told this situation to the second person ever. I had a whole session of crying and reliving this situation and finally ended with a panic attack to which My softball coach had to calm me down. She to this day coach doesn't know what my issue was but she helped me that day without even knowing. Now that I admitted this thing to others and was accepting of it myself I felt a little bit of a healing... My one last thing I feel I need to do is tell you. Mom, this part worries me. I've neglected to do this because I don't want you to worry. I want you to know that I am okay. I want you to know that I am fighting to still be your little girl and that this won't change me. This thing has become a fear and I have decided to conquer my fear. The day I have enough courage to tell you is the day that I will consider this conquered. And I will get there.

Love always,
Your Little Girl