For my following of the Gospel, how I understood it, nobody wanted to speak with me, as a result I was dying from hunger a few times, I ate grass and drank from a puddle.
In addition the mother several times beaten me by the head with a frying pan as a punishment for the Gospel. If I try to follow Gospel, I am offended, beggar, and finally brain damaged. If I am so, I cannot follow the Gospel anyway. Then why to follow the Gospel? (Note that I explained that despite a person has a soul brain damage causes madness, by declaring that a person thinks with the brain but soul is a backup copy of the brain.)
Going to die either of hunger or of next hit of the frying pan, I reasoned: I've recently made a trillion dollar math discovery. Unless I do something, I will bring it to the coffin. Should I kill the mother before she kills me? Should I become a thief to "earn" money for train tickets to fly from the mother? Should I marry a wrong rich girl? Should I otherwise have sex for money? Should I start to drink alcohol to make friends with local men in order to borrow money from them?
At first it could seem that the teaching of the Gospel would give profound "yes" to these questions: For example, if I marry a wrong girl it would mean: I have sex with a girl I don't like, but I give the world trillions dollars. For "my money" for example new dating sites would be build and many men receive more possibilities to have sex with women they like. Am I not an egoist that I refuse others this possibility for my own "gain"?
But it is much more complicated. I was unable to do this, because I feel into thought-contradictions. For example, I tried to rank sins, which is greater and which is less. I built a circle: to betray God is a very big sin, but it is just to say a word against Jesus. Just to say a word is a biggest sin? So lie may be very big sin? But why should I be honest to scoundrels and idiots which I anyway prayed for God to kill them with either nuclear war or fire from the heaven? Isn't to be honest to them a grant for them? But I am going to kill all of them anyway, thought I. Why to grant anything to them deserving that I kill them anyway? I was extremely confused.
So I was unable to understand how to behave further if I become a thief or for example a prostitute (marry for money).
Behaving like a mad man due to a contradiction in my brain, I started to do even harm not only to myself but to others too.
For example, after two American missionaries beat me, I commanded angels "Destroy two skyscrapers by planes!" The main purpose of the 11 Sep set by me was to start a nuclear war and destroy Moscow to stop the Russian TV to broadcast anti-sectarian propaganda what was the reason of me beaten by the head.
So shouldn't have I to renounce the Gospel to stop this nonsense? Another alternative would be to kill myself.
A contract may be violated to end its act, but it can also be terminated. Gospel became too costly, it costs trillion dollars for the world my poverty because of trying to follow the Gospel. The New Testament should be terminated. We should renounce the Gospel in the right way, not by violating it but by terminating it.
The Gospel itself says not to live by the law, while the Gospel has become the law for us. I am not the first Christian who thought: If the Gospel says that we should not live by the letter but we live by the letter of the Gospel, then something is wrong with us. The problem was that we didn't know what exactly is wrong.
But now I know that the Gospel has the provision of self-termination:
- (Rom. 7:6) "But now we are delivered from the law, that being dead wherein we were held; that we should serve in newness of spirit, and not in the oldness of the letter."
- (Rom. 14:5) "Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind" not by the Gospel.
Now accept new kind of life, the life not by the letter and not by the law.
I am not a slave of God anymore, I am His friend. By the way, Apocalypse is addressed to slaves of God, so it does not apply to us anymore.
If you are not in tremor after reading this, you are insane. I present you a new religion, one of the world biggest events and you are going to ignore it. Read my books, donate for the project.