This is the first letter I'll be writing from my phone. I always prefer a physical keyboard, but I simply have not had the alone time necessary as of late. It's been taking longer for my letters to get published recently as well, up to three days. So if it seems that I haven't the conviction to write, please understand that it's just me waiting for my previous letter to get published before I put out another. I like doing this, I truly do. And I love that you still read them.
This week nearly killed me. My company has twisted, used, overworked, and abused me to the point that I've just been taking naps during lunch breaks instead of eating. Were quitting an option, I would be seeking employment somewhere else. I could use a few quality of life improvements.
Things got really bad last night. I was at the mall with my family, and it was all fine until we stopped to eat. Sitting down in the food court, I checked my Snapchat to see who all had seen my story. She asked to see my phone, and i let her. She started going through my Snapchat, into suggested friends, everything. I asked her what the hell she was doing, to which she answered "I just wanted to see if she if she was on there, so I could get her info"
Huge fight after that.
I dont trust her. Its obvious that she has no control anymore. That even the slightest uneasy thought will send her over the edge into paranoia and espionage. I dont want to be in the same house as her. She tells me everyday how close she comes to killing herself, and while I don't want her to die, I want her gone. I want her so far out of my life that I never hear her name again. The fights, the stress, the hate. It's this environment that pushed me away in the first place, and how am I supposed to control something I want to distance myself from?
I'm worried, k. This whole situation is just so volatile. I suspect shes bluffing about knowing who you are, but I don't want to take the chance. If i suspect that she's going to pursue you or him in any way at all, screw my future, to hell with stability and an easy transition, I will immediately drop papers.
I'm also worried because I havent heard from you in a few days. Not that that is anything new, but we were talking, and then suddenly we just... Weren't. I've been harboring the suspicion that something has happened to you. I know that realistically there are a hundred more likely reasons that you fell off, but it doesn't stop my mind from skipping to the worst ones.
With that out of the way, I hope you're alright. I know this letter is short, but it's hard to concentrate writing like this. But one last thought I guess, is that I want you to know that regardless of everything, all the stress, and heartache, you're still my best friend. And I'll do anything for you.
I love you, k. Please be careful, please take care of yourself. And please just let me know you're okay as soon as you can.